Ashes to Ashes
by Jazzyfizzle92
Summary: They called themselves the Saviors but they were nothing more than savage animals. The place they called the Sanctuary, their home, was my prison. The barriers that protected Negan's people were cell walls to me. It didn't have to be this way but I wouldn't say the words. I am not Negan. I will never be Negan. I am Melissa.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is a new story I've been wanting to start since the beginning of season 7. I hope you all enjoy it and please leave a review! Thanks**

"I don't think I'll ever eat pizza again," I sighed, "and the last pizza I ever ate was some frozen crap from the supermarket."

"If you had known at the time that that slice was going to be your last, where would you have gone instead?" Jean asked from next to me.

"There was this pizza place by my old school where me and all my friends used to go-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Jean cut me off, "you had friends?"

"Shut up," I laughed, punching his arm, "anyway, this pizza place was absolutely incredible. Everything always tasted so fresh and delicious and ugh," I sighed, leaning back in my seat, "I miss that place."

"Doesn't get much better than a nice slice of pizza with a cold soda," Jean said, nodding his head as he drove.

"Oh man what I wouldn't give for that right now." I replied. I could practically smell the pizza in the car. I could almost hear my friends around me, laughing about the latest gossip and mocking the teachers. It was so long ago that it hardly felt real anymore.

"Yeah," he agreed, "just a big beautiful Hawaiian pizza."

"A what pizza?" I asked, snapping out of my memories and leaning forward.

"Hawaiian," he repeated with a smile, "you know, pizza with pineapple and ham on top?"

"Pineapple?" I repeated incredulously, "Are you kidding me? Pineapple?"

"What? You don't like pineapple?" He asked.

"Pineapple is fine," I answered, "Just not on pizza, are you crazy?"

"It's delicious!" He protested, "The perfect balance of sweet and salty! Hawaiian pizza was a modern masterpiece."

"You're a sick individual you know that?" I told him, falling back into my seat again.

Jean laughed loudly at that. He had a deep throaty laugh that was completely contagious. He had dark skin and eyes, a strong jaw, and a pepper colored beard growing in. Jean was one of the biggest people I had ever met. His large, intimidating stature was a complete contradiction to his soft interior. He was also my complete opposite physically. I was about a foot and a half shorter than him and I had shoulder length straight brown hair. My skin was light as were my hazel eyes. I had a muscular physique from always being on the move but I was still rather thin.

Despite how different we appeared, Jean and I had pretty similar personalities. Any time that the two of us made runs together, we joked the whole time. I was close with everyone in the group but Jean was special; he was a sort of surrogate father to me now. He'd lost his wife and daughter at the beginning and I'd lost my parents and little brother. When we met each other at camp we just filled in the holes in our hearts that our families had left. That's how the world worked now. People lost their loved ones and forged new families, new bonds, new lives.

As we approached an intersection I opened up the map that was folded up on the dashboard and scanned it. "Make a right," I said.

"Yes ma'am," Jean replied, making the turn.

"You think we'll find anything good in town?" I asked.

"I want to start looking at the places everyone overlooks. Most supermarkets and hospitals have been picked clean. People don't think to check places like auto shops, furniture and electronic stores."

"Maybe we could actually find some food there. Check out some food courts, vending machines. I sure would love some candy bars maybe we could-"

"Oh shit," Jean interrupted. I looked up and saw a group of men in the road ahead of us. There was two vans blocking both sides of the road and about a dozen men standing around, each had a gun in hand. I felt my heartbeat pick up at the sight.

"Too many," I thought aloud as I checked the ammo in my handgun, "way too many."

"I have to stop," Jean muttered, "if we try to back out, they'll open fire." He gently began to press down on the brakes. "Stay calm Mel, it'll be fine."

"I'm calm," I lied as our car came to a stop.

"Welcome!" one of the men shouted, "Why don't you come on out and join us?"

"Jean?" I swallowed nervously.

"Let me do the talking," Jean replied, opening his door, "if it goes bad, drive through." He got out and walked to the front of the car.

"You too sweetness," the same man yelled to me. I took a deep breath, got out of the car and stood next to Jean. I stared hard at the man who appeared to be in charge. He was short and chubby with sideburns on either side of his round face.

"We don't have much," Jean explained. His voice and stature was incredibly calm despite the situation.

"Well we'll be taking whatever you have, starting with your weapons," the man said, walking towards us, "see your shit isn't your shit anymore. All your shit now belongs to Negan."

"And I gather you're Negan?" Jean asked.

"We are all Negan," the man replied ominously, "and you don't ask the questions around here. You both do as I say and we can all handle this situation real friendly like. Now, guns." He held out his hands. I looked at Jean and he gave me a small nod before handing over his gun and hunting knife. I removed my gun from its holster and handed it over. I could feel rage boiling in the pit of my stomach, replacing the fear I'd first felt. "Now part two, you," he pointed at Jean, "are gonna hop back in your car and head on back to where it is you guys call home. The girl will ride with us and we'll all go home together. It's real simple."

"We don't have a home," Jean answered stoically, "we stay on the move and stay away from other people, it's safer that way."

"You know it's funny you would say that," the man said, smiling widely, "we find people all the time who say the same exact thing. And yet," he pointed my gun at Jean's head, "as soon as I point a gun at someone and tell them that someone's gonna die real soon if they don't do what I say, they suddenly have a home. So you can either shit a destination out your ass right now, or I blow your head off."

"Stop! Please, stop!" I cried out suddenly, "We do have a place, a camp. Just please, stop." The words fell from lips faster than my mind was processing them. My breathing was sharp and ragged; I just wanted to get out of this situation.

"See?" The man said to Jean as he lowered his gun, "That wasn't so bad." He walked over to me and put a hand on my shoulder. "Thank you for telling the truth young lady. The only problem is, that means your friend here was lying. And we don't have time for liars." He pointed the gun at Jean's stomach and fired two rounds. I screamed as Jean collapsed on to the ground, his shirt already soaked in blood.

"Jean!" I cried, falling onto my knees beside him. I pressed my hands over his wounds and watching helplessly as his blood pooled out between my fingertips. "Jean, please don't go, please don't go." I cried like an insane person. I could barely speak as I struggled to pull air into my lungs. I felt like I was suffocating as I clumsily put pressure over the holes in Jean's stomach.

"Mel," Jean choked out, blood trickled from the corner of his lips and his face tightened in pain. He was dying and the pain of speaking was apparent. He grabbed ahold of my blood soaked hands in his massive ones. "Don't tell them anything," he managed to gurgle out, "survive this. Survive." He stopped moving and his head lolled to the side, his eyes still wide open.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to his body, "Jean, I'm sorry."

"Okay sweetness," I heard the leader say behind me, "It's time to go." Another man came up to me and hauled me off the ground roughly.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed like mad, trying to pull out of his grip.

"Hey, hey, hey!" The leader exclaimed, "calm down cowgirl, or you're gonna end up like your friend."

"Go to hell!" I cried. The leader pointed Jean's gun directly at my head, the barrel was maybe an inch from my forehead. I leaned forward so that I was touching it. "I'm not telling you shit, so just kill me now." He stared back at me blankly for a moment before he burst into laughter. My blood boiled inside me as the other men joined in with him.

"We found ourselves a wild one!" He belted out to the other men, "throw her in the trunk, bring us home a little souvenir! Davey, Moe, search their car, take anything good." He walked back to the group and the man restraining me followed. I continued to thrash wildly in his grip. I knew it was pointless but I couldn't bring myself to submit.

"Somebody grab her damn feet," the leader demanded with an eye roll.

Another man stepped forward and grabbed ahold of my legs. I kept on wriggling but now that I was off the ground, it wasn't doing much. They popped open the trunk of one of the cars and tossed me inside carelessly. The trunk closed and I was trapped in darkness.

Alone, I felt hot tears begin to pour down my cheeks. Just like that, my life was over again. How fast everything the happiness I had built was toppled again. How easily it had been taken away from me and how helpless I was to stop it. I was once again alone in the world, no home, no family, no life.


	2. Chapter 2

The cell I was in was completely black. It was impossible to tell how long I had been in here, but it felt like many hours. I was leaning against one of the walls, hugging my knees to my chest. There was nothing to do except try to control my emotions. My heart felt like a boulder in my chest, thudding heavily inside me. My breathing had begun to settle back into a gentle rhythm. I was fighting so hard against the heated tears behind my eyes. They were threatening to come pouring down at any moment. When someone came into this dark room, I was determined not to let them see me cry. The depression and fury I was feeling right now was suffocating, but I wouldn't cry for these men again. I had to stay strong, no matter what they threw at me.

I heard the sound of locks being undone on the other side of the door. I scrambled off the ground as the heavy metal door creaked open. Whoever came through, I would face them standing. A tall man filled the doorframe as he strode in casually. The light poured in behind him, allowing me to see him clearly. He had a stern face with neatly combed dark hair and a trimmed beard that had mostly gone gray. He had on a fancy looking leather jacket with a white t-shirt showing underneath. What was most attention grabbing was the weapon he leisurely rested on his shoulder, a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire.

"Now what the hell is this?" He boomed suddenly, "This is a kid, not some goddamn prisoner of war. Get her something to rest on; our guest has had a long day." One of the two men behind him scurried away dutifully. "Hi," he said, addressing me directly this time, "I'm Negan. What's your name?" I just stared silently back at him, unsure of what to do. We stood there staring at each other in an awkward quiet for a moment before he let out a deep chuckle. "I heard you weren't a talker but this is just ridiculous. I'm gonna go easy on you here cause you're new to all this, but when I ask you a question," he moved the bat from its resting position and pointed it at me, "you answer. I am not a man who likes to repeat himself."

"My name is Melissa," my voice came out so quiet and mousy it made me feel like a scolded child.

"Now why would you wanna keep a pretty name like that a secret, huh?" He asked. I wasn't sure if he actually wanted a response or not but before I could mumble something out, he kept talking. "Now I'm gonna be steady with you Melissa, I don't want to have to hurt you. But, you have something that I want, and you're not sharing. If you keep this up, you're gonna get hurt. Now I know you have friends out there somewhere. You tell me where they are and everything's golden. So kid, where are you from?"

I looked down at my feet and felt a few tears slip out. They fell from my cheeks and I watched them drop to the floor. Goddamn it. I felt so weak and pathetic but I couldn't help it. The bat was only a few inches from my face, so close I could see dried blood on it. Negan was staring at me, waiting for my response. I was fucking terrified. I balled my trembling hands into fists and shook my head. "I can't tell you," I croaked.

I was expecting him to attack me. I thought he would punch me in the face or throw me to the ground. My biggest fear was that he would use that bat to cave my head in. But he didn't do any of those things. He just sucked his teeth and shook his head in disappointment.

"It's a damn shame the path you're choosing, but I respect it. I can tell you're scared. Hell, you'd be crazy not to be," he reached out to try and wipe one of the tears on my cheek but I flinched away, causing him to chuckle. "Yet, here you are, putting your life on the line for your people. You got balls kid. That shit's admirable, very admirable. I could always use people like you."

I looked back up in him, eyes wide. Was he actually making me an offer? The man who had run off before returned with a blanket and pillow. He dropped it in the corner of the cell and backed out wordlessly.

"You can be a part of this. Channel that anger and that hate you're feeling, and help us create a new world," he said, "or you can stay in here, living in darkness, which is a real goddamn waste." He rested his bat on his shoulder, turned, and started walking out of the room, "think about it kid."

He walked out and one of the men closed the door behind him. I heard the locks being redone and the sound of the men's footsteps disappearing down the corridor. In darkness and silence again, I slid down the wall, collapsing with my face in my hands. These four walls were going to become my hell.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Holy shit! I can't stop thinking about that finale! I hope this story can keep you guys entertained while we wait for season 8 (ALL OUT WAR!). Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter and feel free to leave a review. Thanks!**

"I brought you some gifts," Negan said with a wide smile. He bent down and placed a plate of food and a small battery powered lantern beside my blanket and pillow. I glanced over at what he had given me then I leaned my head back, staring at the ceiling. "Don't you have anything you want to say to me for bringing you this delicious meal and some lighting for this shitty box?"

"Thanks," I mumbled. I didn't have to look at him to know that his smile had widened.

"Well kid you've got one hell of an offer in front of you. I sincerely hope you don't blow it. Now are you and I going on a trip, or do you just love this room too much to leave?" Negan tapped his bat on the metal walls and let out a deep chuckle. He slowly walked over to where I sat in the corner. "So what's it gonna be?"

I didn't even look up at him as he spoke. I just sat there, breathing slowly, staring at the ceiling. I was sure I'd been in here for at least a full day since the last time Negan had visited. I'd had time to think, calm down, and finally come to an acceptance.

"I knew a man like you before," I began quietly. "He ruled over everyone with fear and I lived under that rule for a long time. I know a tyrant when I see one. So, no. I won't help you. I'm not gonna show you my home so you can rule over everyone I care about, or kill them like your man killed my friend," I paused and looked up at Negan. "The answer is no, and it's always gonna be no. So you can kill me if you want, but I won't help you."

Negan sighed and knelt down so we were eye level. He looked genuinely disappointed. "Kid, you're a goddamn badass," his mood suddenly swung from solemn to amused. "That little speech was fucking fiery. I'm really digging the passion here. However, that was absolutely the wrong answer."

"So," I said, "what now?"

"What now?" He repeated incredulously, "Now you're someone else's problem." Negan stood up, towering over me. He walked out of the room but back pedaled a bit to say one last thing. "I actually like you kid, don't make me have to crack your head open." With that he left and another man entered the room, a cardboard box in his arms. He was tall and skinny with a thin face and trimmed beard. He had on gray jeans with a simple button down denim shirt and leather boots.

"I'm Wade, I'm in charge of you from now on," he introduced himself coldly. "Let's make everything clear right now so there's no confusion later. I don't give a shit that you're a girl or that you're a kid, if you don't listen to me there will be punishments. If you try anything stupid, there will be punishments. Speak when spoken to and do whatever jobs I tell you to do and you I will get along fine." I was dumbfounded at the clinical way he spoke. His face held no expression and his voice was completely monotone. "Now, get up," he continued. I stood, not seeing any point in protesting. "Good now take off your clothes and put these on," he pulled out a dingy looking sweat suit from the box. "Then put your old clothes in the box, shoes and socks too."

I looked down at my feet and began twiddling my thumbs. Wade just glared at me, waiting for me to do as I was told. The thought of stripping down in front of this man was paralyzing. My face was hot with embarrassment. Before I could say something in protest, Wade's hand flew across my face. The slap to my cheek was so shocking that my whole head twisted to the side and I nearly lost my balance. I put my hand defensively to my cheek and looked at Wade in utter dismay.

"I'll hit you harder every time you make me repeat myself," he told me, dropping the box on the floor at my feet. "Now change your clothes." I believed him when he said it. He didn't seem like the type of man who made threats without being ready to follow them through. Yet, I still couldn't bring myself to do what he had told me to do. It was more than just embarrassment that was stopping me. I had been in this place for what felt like little more than a day. I had no idea when an opportunity for escape would come up or if it ever would at all. I couldn't buckle to this man after one slap to the face. I had to try to be as strong as possible and I desperately wanted to hold onto my pride.

Wade's fist came crashing into the left side of my face. The blow knocked me to the ground this time. I fell onto my hands and knees and my vision blurred a bit from the hit. I felt so small. I heard Wade standing over me, repeating his demand then waiting for me to do as I was told. He grabbed a fist full of my hair, lifted my head and delivered another punch to the left side of my face. He was following through on his promise as this hit was significantly harder than the last. I tasted blood in my mouth and my head was throbbing painfully. He punched me three more times and the room started spinning. My arms completely buckled and I lay flat on my stomach. My face was wet with blood. It wasn't just coming from my mouth anymore. I felt it pooling out from my nose and dripping from a fresh gash above my eyebrow. With trembling hands, I grabbed ahold of the cardboard box and dragged it close to me. I took off my green t-shirt and slipped into the sweater I'd been given. With my head down in shame, I pulled off my black running shoes and the white socks I had on underneath them. Then, I shimmied my legs out of my gray sweatpants and pulled on the dingy ones. Too embarrassed to look up, I gathered my clothes into the box and held it up. Wade took it wordlessly and left the room. I heard him lock the doors behind him.

 _So much for my pride_ I thought, collapsing onto my side. I didn't have the energy to crawl over to the blanket and pillow I'd been given or to eat the food I had. I just wanted to close my eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Sorry this is a shorter chapter but I'm trying to update as often as possible. Tell me what you guys think so far and I hope you enjoy**

When I woke up I found that I couldn't see out of my left eye. I touched it gingerly and felt my lids swollen shut around it. The side of my face was covered in dried blood. I scratched away at it carefully, trying not to touch my bruised face too hard. The beating I had received earlier was like nothing I'd ever experienced. I thought back to a fight I had gotten into in school way back before the world imploded. Calling it a fight was hardly accurate; in reality a group of four girls had jumped me after school. I couldn't recall now what I had down to scorn them but it was probably something big considering their reaction. The girls had busted my lip and blackened my eyes. My mom screamed bloody murder when I got home and she saw me. That beating was a smack on the hand compared to now. My head was pulsating, sending out new aches with each beat.

I shifted over to the lantern and turned it on, illuminating the plate of food Negan had brought. It was a sandwich with a plain baked potato next to it. I was glad there was no way I could see my reflection in this light. I probably looked like someone from a battered women's shelter. I lifted the top of the sandwich and raised my eyebrows at the sight of bacon, lettuce and tomato. Something like a BLT that used to be a casual meal was now a delicacy. I put the top back on the sandwich and tentatively took a bite.

"Holy shit," I whispered to the empty room. My jaw ached as I chewed but Jesus Christ, this was the best thing I'd eaten in a long time. I thought bread was a thing of the past, forget about fresh bacon. All the people here were assholes, but they were living pretty large. I finished the sandwich and wrapped the baked potato in the napkin the plate was sitting on. I wasn't sure when my next meal would come or what it would be and a potato would be a quick filler if I found myself without food. I tucked the potato under the blanket.

I found my mind traveling to my group back home. My whole life had been shattered when Jean and I ran into those men on the road. I imagined that everything back home was still the same though. My people probably weren't even worried about me. In reality they had no reason to be. Jean and I went on long trips together often since we'd joined the group. We always came back, safe and sound and with a car full of supplies. This trip we had planned on going further out than ever before so it would be a long time before anyone caught on to the fact that something was wrong.

I laid my head down on the pillow and closed my eyes. I pictured myself in my real bed back home. I smiled a bit at the thought of home. I thought about my people, my family. It was crushing to think about never seeing them again. Never knowing if they were alive and well, never getting to tell them how much I loved them and how much they meant to me. I felt a tear slip out of the corner of my eye. I wiped away at it and made a promise to myself. I promised that I would make it back home and that I would see my family again. There was no way in hell I was going to die in this place.


	5. Chapter 5

**_A/N: Just a little prequel chapter for you guys. I'll probably jump to the past sometimes and explore Melissa's background more. Hope you enjoy!_**

 _I flung open all the cabinets eagerly. There was not a single scrap of food in this whole God forsaken house. All I could find was abandoned kitchen tools. Dust was growing over everything from the coffee machine to the blender. I stepped back and took a final scan of the room. Empty. Whoever had been here had picked the place completely clean. Even the knifes from the drawers were gone. This was the third house I'd searched and once again, I found nothing._

 _"_ _Goddamn it!" I screamed. I grabbed a glass plate from one of the cabinets and threw it as hard as I could at the wall. It shattered with a satisfyingly loud crash. I smashed another and another until I was out of plates. I swept my arm across the counter, knocking everything to the ground. I lifted the microwave up with some effort and dropped it onto the hard tile. The glass door on it shattered, but that wasn't enough. I grabbed my shovel that had become my only weapon and began wailing on the microwave with it. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" I spat with every hit. The metal began to bend under the blows and wires began to pop out as I obliterated the useless machine._

 _I began to hear moaning in the distance. I looked out the kitchen window and saw two dead ones shuffling towards the house. I kicked the broken microwave out of my way and stormed out the backdoor. I approached the first corpse, my shovel raised high. I brought the head of the shovel crashing down onto the head of the corpse. It collapsed onto the ground but continued moving. I slammed down on its neck with the cutting edge, beheading it. I pushed the second one away from me with the handle of the shovel that sliced right into the middle of its face with the cutting edge. It fell like a sack of potatoes, bleeding into the grass. I turned back to the still moaning dismembered head and brought my foot crashing down on it until it was nothing but a pile of mush._

 _Exhausted, I fell back into the grass and hugged my knees to my chest. I was so hungry. I was a good hunter but I didn't have a gun. Trying to catch anything with my trusty shovel had proven to be beyond impossible. I laid back and covered my face with my hands. I screamed as loud as I could muster into my palms._

 _Why was I even doing this? Why bother looking for food? Scrounging from house to house, hoping to find one measly can of food so I wouldn't starve to death. But what did it matter if I did? What difference would it make if I just doubled over one day and never got back up? Everyone who cared about my life was gone. I had already mourned the people who would have mourned me. The only person left to give a shit about my existence was me, and I wasn't sure if I did anymore. Everything and everyone was gone. In that moment I just wanted to disappear with it. I wanted to join my family. That's the way it was supposed to be right? Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. The thought of blowing away in the wind brought a small smile to my face. "Freedom," I whispered to the sky._

 _Another corpse began making its way towards me. I sat up and looked at her as she approached. She had blonde hair and looked young; she might have been pretty once. I watched her get closer and closer as I pulled my shovel close to me. I held it up, ready to thrust it forward when she got close enough. I didn't want to get up this time. I was tired. Suddenly, more moaning came from behind me. I spun my head around and saw two more corpses walking towards me through the backdoor of the house._

 _"_ _Shit!" I jumped up and thrust the cutting edge through the head of the first walker I'd seen. She toppled over and I turned around to face the other two. One got dangerously close but I shoved it away, causing it to topple to the ground. I lunged at the other one, smashing its head with my shovel._

 _That's when I saw him, standing in the doorway, filling the space with his massive frame. I stared at the man agape and he returned the awestruck look. My heart sank as I took in his overwhelming stature. I looked around me and realized I was closed in by a tall fence and he was blocking the only way out. He didn't say anything as he pulled out a machete and started walking towards me. I stumbled backwards, holding my shovel tight against my body defensively. He grabbed ahold of the walker I had shoved to the ground and thrust his knife into its head. Then he put his machete back into the leather holster at his hip and looked at me. The two of us stood there, staring at each other cautiously._

 _"_ _I don't have anything," I told him._

 _"_ _I don't want anything," he replied simply._

 _"_ _Do you have people?"_

 _"_ _They're gone."_

 _"_ _My people too," I told him solemnly. I chewed on my lip nervously. I wasn't sure what to say to this man. If he wanted to kill me he could have done it easily already. "Do you have food?"_

 _"_ _Yeah I have food," he answered. "Do you have a name?"_

 _"_ _Melissa," I told him._

 _He smiled and pulled a bag of pretzels out of his backpack. "Nice to meet you Mel, I'm Jean."_


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: This one's a bit longer. I'm hoping to get more Mel/Negan interactions going in future chapters. I find him to be an extremely entertaining and interesting villain. I hope you all enjoy and don't hesitate to leave a review with any suggestions or feedback you might have!**

I shot up from my makeshift bed at the sound of my door being unlocked. My head was still throbbing and I made the pain worse from sitting up so fast. I groaned and leaned on the wall to get up. My heart sank when Wade walked in. He held out a sandwich and bottle of water to me.

"Eat," he commanded plainly. I took the sandwich from him hungrily and bit into it. I had finished the BLT a while ago already so I was pretty hungry. I paused when the familiar taste and smell connected in my mind. In disgust I realized I was eating dog food. I let the food fall from my hands. It splattered on the ground, some of it falling on Wade's boots. In an instant his hand flew up and slapped me across the face. I couldn't help but let out a cry of pain as I fell to the side. He'd hit me on the already swollen side of my face. I felt blood begin to drip down my face again and I realized he had reopened the gash above my forehead.

"I'm not an animal," I told him, wiping gently at the blood. "I'm not eating that."

"You eat this or you don't eat," he replied. He kicked his foot towards me, splattering the dog food that had been on his boot onto me. To my surprise, he dropped the water bottle on the ground then walked out without saying a thing. Another man came behind him and scooped up the food from the ground before also leaving.

"Asshole," I muttered to myself. I picked the dog food out of my hair and wiped at my face with my sleeve carefully. I flicked the dog food to the ground with a scowl. I was hungry, definitely hungrier than I'd been in a long time. But I knew hunger, I was familiar with this pain and I was sure I could take it. After my parents had died food was scarce to say the least. I couldn't hunt without a gun and I gave almost everything I managed to scavenge to my brother. He was oblivious to the immense pain I was and the fact that I was basically starving to death. I remember the day we found a peach tree behind a house we were hiding in. I ate three of them and then vomited profusely, my body unused to eating so much at once. I wasn't able to eat full meals until long after Jean and I found a community where food was plentiful.

So yeah, I knew what it was to be hungry. I had made it then and I would make it now. I pulled the baked potato out from under the blanket and unwrapped it. I ripped off a small piece and then wrapped the larger portion back up again, putting it back in its hiding spot. I nibbled on the potato, trying to make it last and taking small sips of water. Having water made all the difference. I'd gone a few days without water after my brother died and that was the closest to death I'd ever been. Starving was easy compared dehydrating. As long as I kept on getting water bottles, I had a shot at surviving this.

* * *

I continued to reject the dog food sandwiches and Wade continued to slap me every time I did. However, he still left a new water bottle behind every time. I wasn't sure what to make of this. I suppose it meant they didn't want me to die. They knew what I needed to stay alive so they gave me just that. I had finished the rest of the potato already. I made it last what felt like days but it was impossible to tell in this room exactly how long it had been. Still, the hunger was starting to take its toll on me. I felt weak and had spells of dizziness where I couldn't even stand. I could feel that my face hadn't healed much as I still couldn't see out of my left eye.

I heard the door unlock then open. I stood up slowly, ready to face Wade. My breath caught in my throat at the sight of someone else walking in.

"Well you look like shit," Negan said through a wide smile, "I knew you were tough, but a hunger strike? Really? Do you even realize how long it's been since I gave you that sandwich?"

I shook my head.

"Seven goddamn days," he told me, stamping his foot joyfully with each word, "I mean if you were trying to convince me that you're a fucking badass, consider me convinced."

"I'm just not gonna eat dog food," I told him quietly, "I'm not trying to convince you of anything except the fact that I'm not an animal."

"No you certainly aren't," Negan said, stepping close to me, "that's why you don't belong in here, caged like an animal. You have no idea how much I wanna let you outta here and see what you can do out there. I bet you could make the whole world your bitch if you had the right tools. I can give you those tools. I gave them the tools," he pointed his bat back at one of the men behind him, "who are you?"

"I'm Negan," he answered obediently. I thought back to that day on the road with Jean, _We are all Negan_ the man had said. His words rang in my head and I finally understood them.

"Who are you?" Negan pointed at the other man.

"I'm Negan," he echoed the first man.

"Just say the words kid," Negan pointed his bat at me, "just say the words and you're out of here, on your way to greatness. Who are you?"

"I'm Melissa," I said, without hesitation. Negan just started laughing. He leaned back and casually swung his bat by his side as his laughter bounced off the walls. My cheeks flushed with anger at how comedic he was treating this. I'd been rotting away in this cell for a week already, starving. Now the man who put me here in the first place was laughing in my face about it. "Fuck you!" I shouted at him, shoving him as hard as I could with both hands. He instantly stopped laughing and stumbled back a step. The shove hadn't been strong at all, but it caught him off guard and made him trip up a bit. I wanted to rip that bat from his hand and bash him upside the head with it. Even at my full strength I knew that was an impossibility but it was a satisfying fantasy. Negan's face change to one of amused surprise as he walked back over to me.

"Jesus kid," he said placing a hand on my shoulder. I tried to shift out from under his grip but he held me firmly in place. "You are damn hard to love, but you're even harder to hate." He leaned in even closer to me and pointed a leather gloved finger in my face. "I knew you wouldn't disappoint."

"I told you I'm not an animal," I refused to back away from his hard gaze and intimidating stature. "I don't exist for your amusement. I'm not gonna tell you where I'm from or work for you, so just kill me or let me leave this suck ass place! Whatever you're gonna do just do it already!"

"Why the rush?" he asked, "you've barely been here a week and I never even gave you the grand tour. Poor hosting on my part so I apologize for that. Let me make it up to you." He turned on his heels and walked out. He looked over his shoulder at me and beckoned me to follow. I didn't move and he sighed in frustration. "What is it now?"

"Can I get some shoes first?"


	7. Chapter 7

I followed closely behind Negan as he walked around. I was surprised he'd given me my converse back and I was hoping to keep them this time. We turned a corner and a few men who had been standing around immediately bowed down to Negan as he passed. I furrowed my brow at the sight and Negan looked at me with that cocky grin.

"Respect kid," he said, pointing down at the unmoving men, "that's what it's all about."

"Looks more like fear," I replied. One of the men gave me a sideways glance before looking back at the ground quickly.

"Why not both?" Negan retorted, outstretching his arms with a shrug. He kept on moving and I followed. I tried not to pay attention to the looks I was receiving from people around me. Most of them cast their eyes away uncomfortably, not wanting to make prolonged eye contact with the battered teenager with their leader. Others couldn't hide their curiosity and they stared as I went by. Their expressions varied from confusion to pity. I just kept my head held high and tried to focus on Negan in front of me.

We made our way to what Negan called the marketplace. There were a ton of stations, trading all times of items. There were food stands, tables with medicine, children's toys, clothes, even books and electronic devices. The place seemingly had everything and I had to admit it was impressive. It seemed that Negan had created a new world order where work was the currency. People around here lived on a point system. They earned points by doing chores and then exchanged their points for goods and food. Back in my community there was nothing like this. People did whatever they could to help but nobody kept track.

Suddenly, I felt dizziness taking over. The familiar feeling warned me that I was going down any second. I leaned against a nearby table, knocking over a few candles.

"Hey! Watch it kid!" An older man yelled at me, fixing what I'd messed up. My vision blurred as I slurred out an apology. I looked back at Negan, who was watching me curiously. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to snap out of the dizziness. I finally fell backwards and was surprised when I didn't slam into the concrete floor.

"Get up kid," A man's voice said quietly to me, "you got it." I opened my eyes and my vision came into focus on a skinny white face and blond hair hovering over me. I felt his arm around my back and realized, with slight embarrassment, that he had caught me after I collapsed. Negan walked over to me and grabbed my sweater by the neck with one hand. He lifted me up to my feet easily and kept walking, dragging me behind him. I stumbled along, trying my best to keep up. I looked over my shoulder at the man who had helped me. He was still kneeling on the ground, staring at me as I left.

"I can't have a kid living under my roof passing out from hunger," Negan said, "I'm a mean bastard but I ain't that mean." He stopped walking and let go of me in front of a table, covered in bowls of fruit. "Take some."

"Any?" I asked, staring in awe at the bright fruit in front of me. There was such a wide variety I felt overwhelmed. My mouth was watering at the sight.

"Help yourself," Negan answered, motioning to the table. I tentatively picked up an empty bowl and reached for a shiny red apple. My hand froze a few inches away from it.

"Do I have to pay for it?" I asked cautiously. This felt too friendly, too easy. All my internal alarms were going off but I was so hungry. I could already taste the sweet fruit in my mouth.

"Jesus kid," Negan laughed. "Is it that hard to believe that I'm just being a nice guy? The fruit is on me alright?"

I didn't hold back. I eagerly grabbed the apple and took a massive bite out of. Holy shit that was incredible. I instantly remembered apple picking with my family as a kid. I saw myself as a tiny kid, on my dad's shoulders biting into the freshest apple I'd ever tasted. I held the apple with my left hand and began stuffing other fruit into the bowl with my right. I grabbed everything from grapes to strawberries. I ignored the disgruntled stare of the woman who was in charge of the fruit and continued to stuff my face greedily. When my bowl was full I turned back to Negan.

"See?" He said, "It pays to be on my side. Anything you wanna say to me for this wonderful treat?"

"Thanks," I spoke with my mouth full of apple.

"Come on kid," Negan said, putting his hand on my back and guiding me away. I was too focused on eating to pull away from him. "Let me show you how the king lives."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Writing these Negan chapters are always fun. He's a very fun character to write about and I hope you all enjoy reading!**

"Sit," Negan commanded, pointing at a plush chair. I did as he asked and reclined back, the bowl of fruit on my lap. He sat across from me on a leather sofa and carefully sat his baseball bat up next to him.

"What's up with the bat?" I asked, stuffing a couple grapes into my mouth.

"Who, Lucille?" Negan replied, picking up the bat and giving it a casual swing. "She ain't just a bat. Lucille is my favorite lady, and kid, I have a lot of ladies."

"I bet," I said, rolling my eyes and continuing to eat. Negan laughed and shook his head.

"I love it!" He exclaimed, slapping his knee, "You got moxie kid. But, you've worked me into a corner here. See, I had you pegged as a sheep when you first got here, all scared and teary eyed. It pulled at my heartstrings a bit if I'm being honest. I figured you'd last maybe two days then you'd fall in line with the rest of the herd. Little did I know I had a goddamn wild stallion on my hands! Do I look like a man who is easily surprised?"

I shook my head. I wasn't sure where this was going but right now the situation was surprisingly pleasant. Negan was a charismatic dictator. He was obviously dangerous but his jovial demeanor made him all the more intimidating. I couldn't get a read on the man. For now I would just play along.

"Well I sure as shit was surprised when I found out that the little mouse my boys dragged in, not only wasn't talking after one hell of a beating, but now she wasn't eating." Negan smiled and shook his head, "It's hard to be a badass when you're locked in a box but somehow you pulled it off."

"So what's the endgame of me being here?" I asked, putting the fruit bowl down on the table in front of me. "That's what I don't get here. I told you that I won't help you so why not just kill me or send me away? Why am I still here?"

"This is the pickle you've put me in kid," Negan explained. "Normally people crack pretty quick around here. They want to go home, so we take them home. Business as usual. But then you show up and you won't give us jack shit."

"And why should I?" I retorted, "Why would I bring you to my home just so you could hurt the people I care about?"

"There," Negan said, pointing a finger at me and leaning forward, "right there. That's loyalty and it is a damn beautiful thing. I want to take that from you and bring it onto the winning side. I want you to show that exact same loyalty, to me. You do that for me and you'll live like a queen here. You won't have to scrounge for points like some goddamn vagrant. Do you wanna know why I'm willing to make such a generous offer?"

"Because you want my community?" I replied, unsure.

"Yes I absolutely want that," Negan answered bluntly, "but that's not the only reason. I actually like you Melissa and I think you'd make me one hell of a soldier. Normally I wouldn't even consider taking someone so young, but from what I can tell, you don't have any actual family do you?"

"I did," I told him meekly. Negan bringing up my family was definitely unexpected.

"No shit you did," he said, "everyone _had_ a family, but you don't anymore. Am I wrong?"

"Why do you care?" I asked sharply.

"If I'm being perfectly honest here, I got a bit of a soft spot for kids," he put his gloved hand over his heart. "They just warm my heart. Now I think I've let my compassion get in the way between us. With all my recent generosity I think you're forgetting exactly who the hell I am. Do your recall what I said to you about questions when you first got here?"

"You said that when you ask a question, I answer." My heart started thudding heavily in my chest. I tried not to let my fear show outwards but I was taken aback by Negan's swift mood change. It seemed the person before me could simultaneously be the man who had intimidated me by waving Lucille in my face and the man who insisted I eat as much as I wanted. I needed to figure out my limitations with him before I stepped over them again.

"That's right," he said, his face still stoic, "now tell me about your family."

"All my blood relatives are gone," I told him quietly, "I lost them all at the start. Then, your men killed the man who was like a father to me," I felt my eyes begin to fill with tears. I attempted to blink them away but a few fell down my cheeks anyway. "They killed him for no reason. He saved my life so many times and got us through so much. I felt like he was unstoppable but then some asshole came and shot him in the middle of the road like an animal. I will never forget the day he was taken from me and I will never forgive you or your people for taking him." I put my face in my hands, internally cursing myself for crying in front of Negan again.

"Shit kid," Negan said quietly. I looked up and realized he was kneeling beside me, I hadn't heard him get up. "I am genuinely sorry about your friend. A kid needs a family and I'm sorry that was taken away from you."

I wiped my face and cleared my throat. "It wasn't taken away from, not entirely. I still have my people back home. They're my family and they have been for a long time. It doesn't matter if I never see any of them again, as long as they're out there, I have a family. I'll never tell you where my home is cause they're all that matters to me in this whole shitty world and I'd do anything in my power to protect them. At the end of the day I'd greet death with a smile on my face if it meant I was keeping my family safe."

Silence hung in the room between us. Negan just stared at me, for the first time looking completely blank. He didn't seem angry or happy; he just held a straight, expressionless face.

"Wow," he whispered, shaking his head slowly, "just wow." He stood up and walked across the room to a small bar. He poured himself a cup of whiskey and took a sip, his back to me. "From now on, Wade won't be touching you. You still do as he says but I'll handle any trouble you may stir up. There shouldn't be any issues since you'll be getting real food from now on."

"What's the catch?" I asked.

"You're gonna be put to work kid," Negan turned to face me, "we'll see how you feel after working the wall."


	9. Chapter 9

This new guy was going to get me killed. He seemed to be in a state of constant panic, stumbling around and falling everywhere. He would yelp every time a walker hand touched him. I knew it was only his second day on the wall but how had he survived out in the world? He acted like a man who had never even seen a walker before arriving at the sanctuary. I understood his fear of being amongst the chaos but his hysteria had almost gotten me killed a couple times.

I had a bit of a method that I'd learned from the more adept workers here when it came to chaining up walkers. I moved swiftly and cautiously through the reaching arms. Most accidents happened when one of those outstretched hands managed to grab ahold of someone's clothes. I put buckets over the heads of the ones I had to get close to but otherwise avoided touching them all together. But this new guy constantly had walkers grabbing ahold of him. When one got a grip on him he would throw himself in the opposite direction, usually falling into the grip of another one. Sometimes the saviors on the other side of the fence would laugh and mock him whenever he fell or messed up. Today they just seemed bored and disinterested.

"On your right! Push it onto the spike on your right!" I shouted at him. The man was currently entangled in a walker, its hands on his shoulders trying to pull him into its teeth. He did as he was told and pushed the walker on to a metal spike, stabbing it through the head. I sighed as it slumped over, knowing that that was just another body we'd have to replace, "Now help me."

The man grabbed ahold of a loose chain on the walker I was holding. It had a bucket over its head and its arms were secured to its torso, so we were pretty much safe from this one. We guided it carefully to an empty spot on the fence and got busy securing it. Once we were sure it wasn't going anywhere I quickly unattached the chain that kept its arms down and pulled the bucket from its head before jumping back. With that done, I put my hands on my knees and took a moment to catch my breath.

"Four more to go," I said, still breathing heavily, "let's get this over with."

"I'm sorry I'm so weak," he said meekly. I looked up at him, surprised. He was standing just out of arms reach of the walker we'd just attached.

"You'll get better," I told him. I didn't believe the words as they came out of my mouth.

"No I won't," he replied with a bitter chuckle, "I'm no fighter, never was. I won't make it here and I'm probably gonna get someone else killed too."

"You're wasting time," I said bluntly, "I don't want to be out here after dark." I started walking away, hoping he would shut up and follow.

"Do you know my name?" He asked, still in the same spot.

"No," I answered with a frustrated sigh.

"It's Brandon Scott. People called me Bran when I was a kid. My mom called me Bran even into college. I was named after my father and he was named after his father and so on and so on. There were five generations of Brandon Scotts before me, all of them great men." He turned and looked me in the eye before giving a small smile. "Would you remember that name for me?"

"Sure," I answered. I wasn't sure of what else to say. I didn't really care about his name or its history. What I did care about was the sun getting ready to set.

"Thanks," he whispered. He closed his eyes and sighed, looking relieved at my answer. He suddenly took three quick steps forward and put his neck right into the mouth of the walker. I turned away from the sight but his screams still filled my ears. His high pitched cries turned into gargling as blood filled his mouth and throat. The sound was all too familiar to me and it made my stomach turn. I pressed my hands over my ears but that sick noise still echoed in my head. After a moment I dared to turn around and saw Brandon, dead on the floor, blood pooling around him. The saviors on the other side had watched the whole scene but still seemed entirely uninterested.

I slung the extra chain I had over my shoulder and looked down at Brandon with a sigh. I grabbed both of his arms and dragged him away from the walker that had killed him, its mouth dripping red. I groaned as I lifted his dead weight, leaning him against the fence. Wrapping my arms around his torso, I lifted him into a standing position. I secured him to the fence by pulling the chain tight across his chest, right under his armpits. I stepped back slowly, nervous he might fall forward with only one chain keeping him standing. Luckily, he didn't. He just stayed there, his head hanging and his wound pouring with blood. I would have to add more chains to him later or he'd get loose.

I found it disturbing that I felt nothing when I looked at him. I wasn't sad that Brandon Scott was dead and that his family name had died with him. I didn't care that he was going to reanimate soon and become another walker on the wall. I couldn't found an ounce of sympathy inside me for this pathetic man before me. All I could think about was the setting sun and how tired I was.

"Three more to go," I said aloud and got back to work.


	10. Chapter 10

When I wasn't on the wall, I performed several different jobs around the sanctuary. This was when life seemed almost tolerable here. Most often I was tasked with some sort of cleaning or maintenance duty. Wade would give me whatever supplies I needed then head off to do whatever it was he did during the day. Then, he would return and either give me something else to do or lock me back in my box. Sometimes he would stay and supervise my work with a scowl on his face. He hadn't laid a hand on me since my meeting with Negan but I felt like he was itching to do so.

The days crawled on, some easier than others. I was beginning to feel like a permanent part of the backdrop here. I'd been here for almost three weeks now. I hadn't spoken to Negan since the day in his office. I saw him around but he never really paid me much mind. About a week ago, I'd been mopping a hallway when he walked through. The other men around me kneeled as he passed. Not wanting to cause any trouble, I followed suit. Negan laughed and ruffled my hair as he walked by me. That had been our last and only interaction.

The only job I didn't mind doing was the laundry. The best part of the laundry was that Wade always left me there, just the loud women keeping me company. At first, none of them spoke to me. I assumed they were either too uncomfortable to talk to a prisoner or they were afraid they might get in trouble for doing so. Either way, I didn't mind. Listening in on their conversations was comfort enough for me. Compared to risking my life chaining walkers to a fence, listening to these ladies gossip was like a vacation. Sometimes as I worked, I would zone out their words so their voices just became a hum in my ears. Then, I could pretend that the sound was that of conversations back home. I would smile as I imagined myself amongst my family, laughing just like the women here.

"Hey," a girl greeted, suddenly appearing next to me. I jumped and knocked into the basin of soapy water in front of me, spilling a bunch onto the floor. "Oh shoot, didn't mean to scare you. Let me," she knelt down with a towel to clean up the spill.

"No, I got it," I told her, taking the towel from her hand. I got down on my knees and began soaking up the water, wringing it back out into the basin. I tried to keep my eyes down but I could feel the stares of the women and hear their whispers.

"I can help you," the girl insisted, trying to wipe up the rest with another towel.

"I said I got it," I whispered to her harshly. She looked a bit surprised at my tone but she backed off. "You shouldn't be talking to me you know. You're gonna get yourself in trouble."

"Well I'm usually in trouble anyway," she said with a smile. I didn't return the smile as I returned back to my work, ignoring her. She didn't seem deterred as she began her work again beside me. I took a moment to look at her from the side of my eye. She had a pretty face with rosy cheeks, soft lips, and a little sloped nose. I actually liked her short blonde hair cut in a little pixie style. "I'm Tina by the way."

"Melissa," I muttered.

"Pretty name," she complimented. I gave a little nod and half-hearted smile in response. She shifted her weight awkwardly, probably searching for things to say. "You know you look a lot better, since that day you fell over in the marketplace. I thought you were dying. That was my brother-in-law that caught you by the way. He said you were light as a feather."

"Tell him I said thanks I guess," I replied.

"Will do," she said, smiling wider. "You know, there aren't a lot of teens around here, how old are you anyway?"

"Sixteen," I answered. I wasn't sure what date it was but I was almost positive my seventeenth birthday hadn't come yet.

"I'm nineteen, barely older than you," she said, "I bet we could be great friends."

"What are you talking about?" I asked her, shaking my head, "I can't be your friend. I don't know if you've noticed but I'm basically a slave in this hellhole. I don't have free time to go around making friends. This isn't Summer Camp or the schoolyard. Now like I said before, you shouldn't be talking to me. So please, just leave me alone."

"Hey, I was just trying to-"

"Tina," another woman hissed from behind me. I looked over my shoulder and saw a brunette holding a full laundry basket. "What are you doing?"

"We were just talking," Tina explained, looking down like a scolded child.

"I'm sorry," the other woman whispered to me. She then grabbed Tina by her arm and began guiding her away.

"We're not as free as you think," Tina said, speaking with a completely serious tone and expression, "I know you think you're the only one who's got nowhere to go. But just because we don't get locked up in cells doesn't mean we're free. We're all trapped here." She turned and went with the other woman. The two went back to work across the room and I watched them speak to each other in hushed voices. The second woman looked over her shoulder at me and I quickly turned away, focusing again on the work in front of me.

I continued working in silence, everyone once again ignoring me. As I continued scrubbing, I realized that was the first conversation I'd had with a friendly person since arriving here. Every other encounter had been filled with threats and beatings. Tina coming over to me and chatting as if we were just two teenagers hanging out had felt well, odd. I wasn't sure what to make of her or the conversation we'd just had. I wondered what she meant when she said she was trapped too. Maybe people weren't allowed to leave the sanctuary once they entered?

"Melissa!" My heart sank at the familiar voice. The sun was still high in the sky, so why was he back already? I turned to face Wade who stood in the doorway with that same emotionless expression. He beckoned me to him with one finger. I began to gather my supplies but he stopped me. "Leave it," he said, "you've been promoted."

"To where?" I asked, feeling a bit of dread at what his answer may be.

"Medical wing," he answered plainly, "Dr. Carson needs assistance." I looked at Wade in shock.

"Why me?" I dared to ask. Since Wade no longer touched me, I felt like I could ask questions without risking being blinded.

"The orders came from upstairs," he told me.

I followed him out the laundry room and stole one last glance over my shoulder at the two women. They were both staring at me now, surprise plastered on their faces.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Thank you all for following and favoriting my story! It means so much to me that you guys enjoy each chapter. All your reviews have been so lovely to read and I appreciate all of them.**

Doctor Carson was a kind man. My first day working with him, he insisted that I call him Emmett. I obliged and told him to call me Mel. I genuinely enjoyed the time I spent with the doctor. Cleaning and sterilizing the medical equipment or taking stock of supplies was mundane work but Emmett was good company. I was surprised at how talkative he was. He enjoyed telling me stories about his old life. It was apparent how passionate he was about being a doctor from the way he lit up when he spoke about it. He told me a lot about the hospital he used to work in before the apocalypse.

"Now Doctor Lewis was the most brilliant surgeon I'd ever met. The man was an artist with a scalpel." Emmett gabbed on as he took notes in his massive record book. I listened in silence as I scrubbed thoroughly at his tools in the sink. A lot of the time I didn't say much when I was here, just listened happily to his stories. "I worked under him when I was still a young man and I was so nervous when I began. I'd been the top of my class in med school but beside Doctor Lewis I felt like an inexperienced kid. He told me that he'd gone through the same emotions when he was first starting but I couldn't picture that at all."

"It's hard to see our heroes as anything other than that," I said with a smile.

"Oh absolutely, as far as I was concerned Doctor Lewis was born a genius," he said with a chuckle. I looked over my shoulder and gave Emmett a smile. "Didn't you have people in your life you just looked at like they were superheroes?"

"Yeah," I answered, my smile falling from my face.

"Who?"

"Just people who are all gone now," I told him quietly.

"I'm sorry," he replied solemnly, "I didn't mean to pry."

"Forget about it," I assured him, shaking my head dismissively. Doctor Carson sometimes tried to get me talking but I never did. I was afraid to talk about times when I was happy. I thought that speaking about my life aloud would make me break down. Thinking about them was one thing but I was sure I'd choke if I tried to vocalize them. Plus, I didn't entirely trust the doctor. He spoke highly of Negan but couldn't hide his fear of the man in charge. I wasn't sure if his loyalty to the place that kept him safe outweighed his obvious negative view of Negan. I couldn't risk him relaying what I told him to Negan. For now, my memories would exist in my mind alone.

"My mother was my first hero," he said, filling the awkward silence. "My father thought I was odd boy because I didn't like to play sports. I enjoyed school and was the only boy on the block who would rather read than play ball outside. My father used to tell me to get out of the house and play with the other kids like a normal boy. But, my mother always understood me. She always encourages me to do what made me happy. She was the first person who truly believed I could be a doctor."

"Our mothers would have gotten along," I told him. He looked at me in surprise. This was the first time I'd ever mentioned anything about my family. It was barely a statement, but it was something, and Emmett looked satisfied that I'd opened up at all.

"Would you mind me asking what she was like?" He asked hesitantly.

"She um," I started, struggling to find the words. It was impossible to sum up such a woman in a short conversation. At the same time I didn't want to tell him too much. "She loved poetry," I finally said with a soft smile.

Doctor Carson looked like he wanted to ask more but there was suddenly a knock on the door. From the doctor's suddenly stiff stance I already knew who was at the door before it opened.

"How the hell are we doing around here Doc?" Negan asked, strolling into the room. He plopped himself down on the bed with that wide smile he always wore. I stopped my work and turned to face him, meeting his grin with my blank expression.

"Quite well," Emmett stammered out. With Negan in the room he kept his gaze down.

"How's this little badass been?" Negan made a little waving motion at me with one finger. "Giving you any trouble?"

"No, no, not at all," the doctor answered quickly, "Mel has been very helpful around here since Scott uh is uh not here anymore." I stole a quick glance at Emmett. This was the first time I'd heard anything about someone working here before me.

"Well I am pleased as punch that everything is working so well," he suddenly stood up, stepping close to me. "How about you _Mel_?" He put emphasis on the nickname Emmett had used, "Does this relocation make you as happy as it makes me?"

"Yes," I replied, not backing down from his gaze.

"Wonderful," he whispered happily, "I had a good feeling about you coming here. If I'm being perfectly honest here, I took you off the wall cause it was depressing as shit, watching a kid running out there. I thought it might be bad for morale around here. Oh yeah," he snapped his fingers, "sorry about your friend that died out there with you."

"He was only there for two days," I said, shrugging my shoulders, "he wasn't my friend."

Negan whistled lowly and shook his head, "Ice queen." He stood up straight and took a couple steps back, giving me space. I released a deep breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. "Well if you ever fuck up around here you'll be with your 'not friend' again."

He turned around to leave but suddenly spun on his heels in the doorway. "I almost forgot," he pointed Lucille at Doctor Carson, "who are you?"

"Negan, I-I'm Negan," the doctor stammered out. I noticed a bead of sweat trail down his balding forehead.

"Who are you?" Negan asked, pointing Lucille at me now.

"I'm Melissa," I answered confidently.

"Kid you disappoint me," Negan said, "I give you good food and a good job, and you can't give me the right answer to one simple goddamn question."

"It doesn't matter what you give me," I told him honestly, "my answer will always be the same."

"We'll see," Negan declared ominously. He gave me a little wink before leaving the room, closing the door behind him. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair as I listened to his footsteps disappear down the hall. Doctor Carson leaned on the counter, looking exhausted.

"Emmett," I said quietly, "Who is Scott?"

"He worked with me before you did," the doctor explained, dabbing at his sweaty forehead with a tissue, "he tried to escape with some supplies. He didn't make it very far."

"Where is he now?" I asked, although I already had a good idea of what the answer was.

"You've met him before," he said, "I believe you were the one who chained him to the wall."


	12. Chapter 12

_"_ _Go!" my dad screamed, "Keep going!"_

 _I held on to my mom's hand as the four of us sprinted down the street. The herd behind us was dangerously close and walkers were popping out from everywhere around us. My heart was pounding in my chest and my head was ringing. I felt nothing but hot blood pumping through my body. I couldn't think._

 _"_ _Daddy!" Tommy cried as he tripped and fell to the ground in front of us. My dad scooped him up in an instant and kept on running. We made a turn and stopped dead in our tracks at another smaller group of walkers blocking our path._

 _"_ _Take the kids and get to the car," he quickly handed Tommy over to my mom, "I'll distract them. Just get out of here."_

 _"_ _Gregory don't, we stick together, always," my mom protested as my dad ran towards the smaller group. He unsheathed his hunting knife and began cutting the dead down._

 _"_ _Don't leave daddy," Tommy begged._

 _"_ _I love you all so much, now go!" he shouted, pointing down a side street with one hand and holding a walker at bay with the other, "meet me at the farm!"_

 _"_ _This isn't the end," my mom promised him. She pushed me towards the side street and, with tears in her eyes, began to run. Tommy cried in her arms and reached out to his dad longingly as he was carried away. I looked over my shoulder at my dad fighting. He pulled out his gun and began firing into the large herd as it approached him._

 _"_ _I'll find you I promise!" He called to us as he disappeared into the distance, running from walkers while diverting them from us. "I promise!"_

 _Why didn't I say anything then? Why did I just watch my dad disappear without saying anything to him? I wanted to tell him how brave he was and how much I loved him. I wanted him to know that I always looked at him as a superhero. There was so much I had to say but it had happened so fast. But as the words finally made their way to my lips I was speaking them to no one._

 _"_ _I love you too," I whispered, tears falling as my dad's voice faded away. All I could hear now were the moans of the dead._

 _"_ _Mommy they're still after us!" Tommy wept as he saw walkers begin to turn and follow us down the side road._

 _"_ _We'll be okay," my mom reassured him. The fear in her eyes told me that she didn't believe the words as she said them. We made a turn and my heart sank at the sight of a dead end. A tall brick wall stood in front of us and we were closing in at the sides by buildings._

 _"_ _We're trapped," I cried, looking around in a frenzy for something we could use, "we gotta get out of here, we gotta find dad. He's gonna be waiting for us! We gotta-"_

 _"_ _Mel come on!" my mom commanded, grabbing me by the arm and pulling me the side, "we're going through that window."_

 _"_ _It's too high, there's nothing here," I stammered on. I could feel my body going rigid and my mind was blank. I watched the walkers turn the corner and the panic continued to take me over._

 _"_ _I'm gonna boost you both up, come on Tommy," she lifted my little brother onto her shoulders. "That's my boy," she told him as he stood up on her shoulders. He groaned as he pulled himself up and over the windowsill._

 _"_ _Mel, now you come on," my mom bent so I could climb on to her. I looked up at my brother in the window and took in the distance I would climb. I realized there was no way I'd be able to lift my mom up once I was up there. I wasn't strong enough to pull her weight up on my own. I knew that I should've been the one to boost her up but I didn't do that. I climbed on to her and pulled myself through the window. Once I was safely inside I leaned my upper body out and extended my arms to my mom. She grasped on tight with both hands and I pulled her with all the strength I could muster._

 _"_ _Come on mom," I groaned, as I continued to pull. I felt Tommy wrap his arms around my legs to anchor me. I knew as I pulled that it was pointless. I might as well have been trying to lift a car. My mom hadn't moved from the ground and there was nothing else I could do but continue to pull on her. I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my jaw as I pulled until it felt like my arms were gonna rip out._

 _"_ _Mel baby," my mom whispered in that soft voice of hers. I opened my eyes and looked down at her. My mom looked so calm. The fear had drained from her. In that moment, as I looked into her gentle expression I realized that my mom had never feared for herself. Now that my brother and I were safe, she had nothing to fear. "It's okay my love, it's okay."_

 _"_ _Mom don't!"_

 _She let go of my hands and closed her eyes._

 _"_ _MOM!"_

 _Then the herd was on her. They tore her apart and consumed everything she was. She never screamed. All I could do was watch from the safety I didn't deserve._


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Thank you all for following/favoriting this story! All your reviews have been so positive and amazing to read. I hope you all enjoy this chapter!**

After so many months living in the Sanctuary, I came to terms with the fact that this was my life now. There was no way out and it was apparent at this point that my family back home knew I wasn't coming back. I knew they'd search for me and Jean but it would be pointless. It would be a miracle if they somehow tracked me to the Sanctuary. But even if they did, there was nothing they could do to get me out of here. I actually found myself hoping that the people back home thought I was dead. I knew from experience that being uncertain about the fate of a loved one was far worse than knowing they were dead. So, since it seemed I wasn't going to be leaving the Sanctuary anytime soon, I decided to try and make the best of it.

"Hey," I said quietly sliding next to Tina. She looked up at me a bit surprised I was talking to her after last time. I gave her the best friendly smile I could muster. Honestly, I felt pretty rusty when it came to being social with people my age.

"Hey," she returned. Her quiet demeanor told me that she was still upset about the harsh way I'd snapped at her before.

"Look," I sighed, "I'm sorry for being a bitch before. I, well I, it's been hard, you know?" I struggled to find the proper words. There wasn't really a way to express what my life had become.

"I know," she said sympathetically, "and you weren't a bitch. I came on strong, especially after you'd been through so much. I guess I just got excited at the thought of having a girlfriend." She gave my shoulder a little bump and I couldn't help but smile.

"Well, if you're still down for it, I'd like to be friends."

"I'd like that too," she replied. We both smiled at each other. I felt a strange happiness fluttering in my chest. I felt like a little kid, nervous on my first day of school, petrified at the thought of trying to make friends. "So," Tina continued, "wanna talk?"

"About what?" I asked. Starting conversations used to be easy. There were new TV shows and music to talk about, current events, local gossip. Nowadays, my life was nothing but work and sleep. I doubted Tina wanted to talk about my mopping techniques.

"Teenage angst?" Tina joked, shrugging. I let out a soft chuckle. "Has someone asked you how you feel since you got here?"

"No," I answered. Doctor Carson was the only one I had actual discussions with. But most of the time, he was the one talking. I hadn't realized until now that the doctor had never actually asked me how I was feeling, no one had.

"So, how are you feeling?" Tina asked. I stayed quiet for a moment. That simple question seemed oddly heavy.

"Empty," I answered. I stared down at the laundry I was doing as I spoke but I could feel Tina's eyes on me. "I used to want to kill myself, but now I feel like I'm already dead. I move around on auto-pilot. I wake up, I eat, I work, I go back to sleep. Everyone I cared about is dead or I'll never see them again. I keep going every day, surviving like my family wanted. But, I'm starting to wonder what the point is. You know?"

"I know," Tina answered solemnly. I looked up at her and she wiped at my face with the sleeve of her sweater. I hadn't even realized tears had escaped me. I hadn't cried in a while and it felt strangely good. Spilling my guts to someone I trusted, not having the words pulled from me like teeth by Negan. Jesus, I really needed a friend.

"Thanks," I mumbled, sniffing as I gave Tina a half smile. She returned the smile and continued the work in front of her. "How do you feel Tina?"

She turned to me, her expression now deadly serious. "I feel like if I don't get out of this place," she shook her head, looking for the words, "if I don't get out of this place, I'm going to lose myself in it. I don't want this hellhole to take away who I am, but I feel it slipping away, more and more each day."

"Me too," I replied. This place had a way of sucking the life from you. Living under Negan and his men crushed your psyche.

"We can do it," she whispered, leaning in close to me. "We can get out of here, together."

"W-what are you-" I stammered, completely caught off guard by her words, "how?"

"Dwight," she answered, "he has a plan. We're all getting out of here." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My heart thudded in my chest from a combination of fear and excitement. Part of me was saying there's no way out, Negan would find out somehow. My brain was screaming that this was impossible and we'd definitely get caught. But, my heart was doing summersaults at the possibility of going home. If I could slip out without anyone knowing, I could find my way back home, back to my family.

"Melissa!" I was yanked from my fantasy at the sound of Wade calling my name. I blinked rapidly and shook my head, forcing myself back into reality. I turned quickly from Tina and went to Wade, who was just standing in the doorway with a scowl on his face and a box in his arms. He turned and walked away and I instinctively followed. I didn't dare to steal another glance back at Tina. I was suddenly terrified of the sweet girl with short blond hair. She was either going to get me freed or killed. With what she was proposing, there would be no in-between. I followed Wade up stairs and around corridors. Suddenly, I realized we were heading somewhere I hadn't been before.

"Where are we going?" I asked him. Wade didn't so much as glance over his shoulder at me. He just kept on walking in silence. He stopped in front of a closed door and handed the box to me. I accepted it and opened the top curiously. I tried to hide my shock at seeing my old clothes inside. There also seemed to be a few white towels. I looked up at Wade with my brows furrowed. What was this?

"Women's washroom," Wade said, tapping on the door, "take a shower and change; bring the sweat suit to me afterwards."

"Is this Negan's orders?" I asked.

"Make it fast, I don't have all day to wait for you," Wade said, ignoring my question. He pushed me through the door and I stumbled inside, clutching the box tightly.

Inside, there were tons of shower stalls and another wall with sinks and mirrors. Women walked around the room, wrapped in towels or fully dressed. Some of them stood in front of the mirrors, styling their hair. I walked carefully across the tile floor towards an empty stall, earning quite a few stares on my way. The stall was surprisingly big, with hooks to hang everything up with getting them wet. I undressed cautiously, paranoid that Wade would burst in for some reason. I dropped the sweat suit on the floor in the corner, relieved to take that horrible outfit off. I'd been desperate to get out of those clothes since I put them on my second day here. I rifled through the box Wade had given me and smiled when I came across a small piece of soap. It was like those little squares that hotels always gave to the guests.

With the soap in hand, I grabbed ahold of the shower handle and twisted it on. The room temperature water came cascading down over my head and I gasped at the feeling that felt so alien to me now. I ran the soap over my body, feeling all the sweat and grime from my time here wash away. I combed through my hair with my fingers, pulling roughly at the knots that had built up. I stood directly under the stream, letting it pour over my face. A loud laugh erupted from my mouth at the euphoria I was feeling. Taking a shower was making me feel like a human again.

I continued to clean my body as my mind drifted back to Tina. Was it actually possible to leave the Sanctuary? I wished Wade hadn't cut off the conversation. I was anxious to hear this plan that the blond man, Dwight, had cooked up. Tina seemed confident in it. But did I dare to put all my hope and possibly my life into near strangers? If it meant getting my old life back, I would have to.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: This is a short one but I hope you all enjoy it! Please feel free to leave a review, I love to read them :)**

"Rise and shine Mel," Negan boomed, standing in the doorway of my cell. I stood up and stretched, looking at the man sideways. I wanted to tell him not to call me that, the nickname felt toxic coming from his lips. I thought better of it but took mild pleasure in imagining a scenario where I told him off for it.

"What's going on?" I asked, leaning against the back wall.

"We're going on a little field trip, you and I," he explained. He bounced over to me and extended out an apple in one hand and a little carton of fruit punch in the other. "Here," he said, "breakfast of champions."

"Where we headed?" I asked, accepting the food from him. The carton was just like the ones I used to drink at school. Holding it brought me back to being in the cafeteria surrounded by laughter and friends. Had any of my friends made it this far?

"To a sweet little place called Hilltop," Negan answered. "It's a community me and my people conduct business with." I was surprised at how straight forward his answer was. I was sure he was going to give me some ambiguous response to my question.

"Well why the shower last night?" I asked, "and why did you give me my clothes back?"

"Because young lady, first impressions are important," he replied. "When you're working for me in the future, those nice people at the Hilltop need to see you as a Savior. Best way to enforce that is for you to look the part from day one."

"I've already told you that I'm never gonna-"

"Yeah yeah yeah," Negan cut me off, waving his hand in the air, "loyalty to your family blah blah blah. I get it kid, you're a tough nut to crack. Usually Lucille takes care of breaking open the tough ones," he swung his bat slowly and casually through the air, that cocky grin still plastered on his face. I just stared back at him, with my usual blank expression. "But because I still like you and because you're just so damn adorable," he continued, "I'm gonna go the extra mile here. I want you to see how we go about conducting business with other communities. See, I need you to understand that we aren't savages or pillagers, we're just… businessmen."

"So it's just business huh? Nothing personal?" I crossed my arms and stepped up to him, trying to challenge his stare. It was difficult considering the imbalance in power here and the fact that his figure towered over me. But, I went for it anyway.

"That's right little lady, business as usual."

"Tell that to my friend your men killed in the middle of a road," I hissed.

"Jesus kid," Negan laughed, stepping back, "you're never gonna let that one go are you?"

"I thought I made that clear already," I spat back, annoyed at his laughter. It seemed like everything I took seriously was just a big joke to him. Negan was treating the end of the world like a game, and I found it infuriating.

"Crystal," Negan whispered close to me. "Well," he clapped his hands together and started walking out. I followed behind him instinctually. Two armed men followed closely behind me. It seemed that much of my life here consisted of being escorted by Saviors. "Let's get this show on the road. Hey, I'll even let you ride shotgun."

"Oh gee," I mumbled. Was I supposed to be excited to be stuck next to Negan for a whole trip? My little comment earned a deep laugh from Negan.

"Oh this is gonna be a great goddamn day," he said happily, bouncing on his heels as he walked. He always moved around like a jack in the box and it annoyed me every time. He just seemed so goddamn giddy with everything he did. I took a big bite of the apple as I watched Negan stride around confidently in front of me. Everyone bowed to him as he went by. The sight of everyone treating him like some sultan was just as ridiculous this time as it was the first. Watching others bow made me embarrassed to think about the times in the past here that I had done so.

If what Tina had said yesterday was true, I wouldn't have to bow to Negan ever again. I brought the apple to my mouth to hide the smile that was unintentionally pulling at the corners of my mouth. I internally chastised myself, knowing that I shouldn't get so wrapped up in a plan I hadn't even heard yet. I reminded myself over and over again that it wasn't going to happen, the plan wouldn't work. But even after all this, there was still that naïve optimist in my mind telling me to go for it.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Hey I hope you all enjoy this new chapter. Is there anything you guys would like to see in upcoming chapters or anything you're curious about? Do you have any recommendations? Drop a review an let me know :)**

"After you," Negan said, opening the passenger side door of a small truck. I glared at him and climbed into the seat. He closed the door behind me and walked around to the driver's side. I stared out the window as he climbed in next to me and carefully placed Lucille in the back seat before starting the engine.

"How far is this place?" I asked. Another truck pulled out in front of us and Negan drove out after them.

"Oh not too far," he answered. I rolled my eyes at another ambiguous answer. I looked in the rearview mirror and saw another truck following behind us. "Don't worry, the time will fly in my company."

"Sure it will," I grumbled, crossing my arms. Negan let out a little chuckle but thankfully, didn't give a snide response. I rolled down the window next to me. It was one of those old crank windows, like the one my grandpa's rusted pickup had. I looked out the window in awe at the sight of the Sanctuary disappearing behind us. It made my heart bound with excitement. I hadn't left this damn place once in all the time I'd been here. Being outside the fence, even if it was in a truck with Negan, was impossibly refreshing. I leaned back in my seat and sighed contently, just feeling the breeze on my face.

"Fresh air," Negan said with a soft smile, "makes you feel human again, don't it?"

"Yeah," I muttered in response.

"Oh boy, you are just a geyser of conversation aren't you?" Negan asked sarcastically. He looked over at me with a grin and I just shrugged at him. I had nothing I wanted to talk about with this man. "Music?" he asked suddenly.

"Huh?"

"Music," he repeated, opening a compartment in between us, revealing several CDs lined up neatly. "I'll be nice and let you pick."

I ran my hands over the cases, reading the unfamiliar titles. None of these were the type of music I used to listen to. Before the world ended, I enjoyed listening to music, mostly instrumental stuff. I even played the guitar. Suddenly, my eyes fell onto a familiar CD. I grabbed it and pulled it out, holding it in my hands in disbelief.

"My dad had this album," I said quietly. The album title _At the Speed of Sound_ by the Wings brought back such vivid memories of my childhood. I turned it over and smiled softly as I read down the list of songs.

"The Wings," Negan shrugged, looking over at the CD, "not bad."

"He had it on vinyl," I told him, giving a gentle chuckle at the memory. "Well he had everything in vinyl. I don't think he owned a single CD."

"That's the way to do it," Negan laughed, nodding his head as he watched the road ahead of him. "Vinyl is the classic shit, can't top it kid. Pop that son of a bitch in." I rolled my eyes at him and opened up the case. I put the disk into the radio and a moment later _Let Em' In_ was playing through the truck. Negan tapped his hands on the wheel to the upbeat song.

I couldn't help but laugh out loud as I listened to the song, beaming from ear to ear. The memories it stirred seemed so clear it was almost scary. I saw my dad placing the record oh so carefully on his old gramophone that belonged to his dad. He would then place the needle down gently and the music would start crackling out, filling up our small apartment. He was a terrible dancer but that never stopped him. He would glide across the room, shaking it with every fiber in his being. My brother and I would laugh and dance along with him. When I was very little he used to pick me up and twirl around with me in his arms. I'd throw my head back and smile like mad, feeling like I was flying. When I got older, he would take my hands and we'd dance in the living room together, our moves equally as terrible.

"Jesus," I whispered, leaning forward in my seat. I ran my hands through my hair and let out another laugh, the smile still plastered on my face. "I can't believe I forgot."

"Forgot what?" Negan asked, glancing at me. He looked rather amused at my behavior. But not in the same condescending way he laughed at me when I tried to stand up to him. This was different. I couldn't describe it but he seemed genuine.

"Nothing," I muttered, looking out the window. I could feel that I was starting to get too comfortable, laughing and talking with this man. I internally scolded myself for opening up at all. I suppose talking to anyone, even Negan, was better than being alone in my cell.

"Come on kid," Negan said with a chuckle, "I'm trying to show an interest in your life here, make conversation. It's what people do."

"No, it's what _friends_ do," I corrected, "and we're not friends."

"Now you're just trying to hurt me," Negan replied, putting his hand to his heart and making an expression of sarcastic agony. I scowled at him and he just laughed. "Now spit it out, what did you forget?"

"I forgot the songs I used to dance with my dad to okay?" I hissed, crossing my arms. It annoyed me to have to tell him anything about my life but it was even more annoying to hear him pester me about it.

"Ah," he drawled, leaning his head back with a tranquil expression, "now that sure is a pretty picture isn't it? Father and daughter, dancing to vinyl." I looked over at him curiously. What was this new side of him I was seeing? It was almost like… longing. I desperately wanted to ask if he'd had kids, but I didn't dare. He looked over at me and laughed at my obviously confused face. "What? I'm not made of stone kid." I gave a little half smile and turned back towards the window. _Let 'Em In_ came to a close and _The Note You Never Wrote_ started playing. I listened to each song silently, just watched the trees fly by and letting my mind drift to better days. When _Silly Love Songs_ came on I sat up in my seat excitedly.

"Now this one I never danced with my dad to," I explained pointing at the radio. Negan was my last choice in who I'd want to tell any stories to, second only to probably Wade. But, when I heard those familiar beats come pouring out of the speakers, I felt overwhelmed. It wasn't until now that I realized how much I missed talking about life before the world ended. Jean and I used to do it all the time. We'd talk about friends, family, food, movies, or just about anything we missed from our old lives. But nowadays I kept all my memories buried deep inside me. Now that I was listening to these songs, the floodgates were open.

"Why not?" Negan asked, smiling at the road ahead of him.

"Cause this was my parent's song," I told him, "no matter what was happening, if this song came on, my dad had to dance with my mom." I could see them clear as day, hand in hand, dancing in the living room. My dad still in his button down and tie from work, my mom wearing one of her long flowing skirts. The sun poured in on them like a spotlight, making my mom's golden hair look platinum and her blue eyes like the sky. I remembered watching them with my arm around my brother, knowing that there wasn't an apartment anywhere that was filled with so much love.

"Now _that_ is a real pretty picture," Negan remarked, echoing what he'd said earlier.

"It is isn't it?" I agreed, looking back out the window. I closed my eyes and pictured myself back in that little apartment, watching my parents dance to vinyl records.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: What do you guys think of the story so far? Do you like Negan and Mel's relationship? Please drop a review and enjoy! :)**

"Is that it?" I asked, looking out the window eagerly at the massive wall we were approaching. It was entirely composed of tall tree trunks and it looked strong.

"Sure is kid," Negan answered, "welcome to the Hilltop." The huge wooden doors slowly swung open as all the saviors parked their vehicles outside the wall. Negan put the truck into park and killed the engine. He grabbed a belt with a knife holstered at the side from the back of the vehicle. "Here," he said, holding it out to me "put this on."

"Why?" I asked, taking it tentatively.

"I already told you why," Negan replied with a cocky smile, "I need you to look the part."

"Then why not a gun?" I retorted. Negan gave a hearty laugh at that.

"Come on kid, you honestly think I'd trust you with a gun?"

"I wouldn't shoot you with it," I grumbled, fastening the belt around my waist, "I don't have a death wish." While the idea of killing Negan was pretty intoxicating, I knew I would never make it away from the saviors alive if I did. The man always surrounded himself with several of his people, guaranteeing a death sentence for anyone who made a move on him. Jean's last request of me before he died was for me to survive this. I'd be spitting on his memory if I got myself killed just to take out one guy.

"Smart girl," Negan shrugged as he merrily picked up Lucille and got out of the truck. I sighed and followed him out. Maybe the opportunity to kill him would present itself to me, but that time was obviously not now. Saviors poured out of the backs of the trucks and before I knew it, there was a small army outside the walls of the Hilltop.

"Alright people," Negan's right hand man, Simon, shouted, "let's go." Negan and Simon lead the group, everyone marching behind them, fully armed. I gingerly let myself fall to the back of the pack, feeling strange following the leaders so closely.

"Keep up kid," Negan suddenly boomed, he turned around and gave me a wink. "You're my wingman." I went a bit slack jawed at that but quickly made my way back directly behind him. I was strangely embarrassed that this was going to be my first introduction into this community. They weren't going to know what I had suffered through at the Sanctuary. They were just going to see me as another savior. The thought was a bit nauseating.

When we went through the gates I was amazed at the little colony the people here had built. From what I could tell, the place seemed completely self-sufficient. They grew tons of food and even had their own livestock. The people here stared at the saviors as they went by their faces were combinations of fear, hate, and confusion. No matter what they were feeling, it was obvious no one was happy about our arrival. A mother hurried her two children into one of the many trailer homes. She turned their heads away from the arriving saviors. She made eye contact with me and I quickly turned away in humiliation. Negan and Simon turned suddenly at the steps of a massive house and everyone stopped moving obediently.

"You, with us," Simon directed, motioning vaguely at a section of the large group. "The rest," he did a little careless twirl of his hand, "move out." I looked around unsurely as the saviors disbanded, splitting off in every direction. I crossed my arms, feeling completely exposed as the others followed Negan into the house. I stood in front of the steps, feeling eyes on me from every which way. Cautiously, I started to take slow steps backwards. There were too many saviors around for me to be able to escape, but maybe I could find something. I wasn't even sure what I wanted, but maybe something here could help me somehow. If I could just quietly slip away…

"Whoa whoa whoa," Negan suddenly appeared in the doorway of the house, "are you trying to leave without even saying goodbye Mel?"

"I wasn't sure if I should, I was just gonna, I was," I babbled on clumsily before Negan cut me off.

"Don't care," he sang, stepping towards me with a smile. I looked up at the sky and let out a tired breath. "Come on kid, let's meet the man in charge," he extended his arm out to me, "shall we?" I walked over to him begrudgingly and to my surprise he pulled me in to his side with his arm wrapped around my shoulder.

"Do you mind?" I hissed at him, pulling away from his grip. He let out a boisterous laugh but did not attempt to hold me to him.

"Not at all kid," he remarked with a smile, "I just thought we were starting to become friends is all."

"I'd rather be friends with the walkers," I replied, making my way up the steps behind him.

"Watch that tongue kid," Negan warned, holding up a scolding finger towards me, "it might get you in trouble one day."

"I thought you liked that," I said with a shrug, "I believe you called it _moxie_." I held up sarcastic jazz hands on the final word.

"Are you sure you're not my long lost daughter?" He asked, leaning back and looking at me with a bemused smirk.

"Oh I'm sure," I told him. I took a stance on the same step as him and squared him up with my arms crossed. "You aren't half the man my dad was." For a moment, Negan's face was entirely austere but a smile slowly spread across his face and a deep chuckle rumbled from his throat. With one hand he pushed open the front door and pointed inside with Lucille.

"After you little badass," he said, giving me an approving little nod. I returned a curt little nod at him and walked through the door, his large frame following. If I could just keep playing his games, I actually stood a chance. Our little conversations were still amusing to him and I had to keep it that way. Negan struck me as the type of person that breaks his toys when he's bored of them.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: It's been a long time but I've found time to start uploading again. Hopefully the next chapter will be out soon**

The saviors were certainly making themselves comfortable in Gregory's home. They touched everything, moving decorations and furniture around carelessly. All the while, Gregory attempted to stammer his way through a conversation with Negan and Simon. The two saviors were obviously getting a kick out of making the man squirm. I was just embarrassed for the man. Watching him sweat while his home was being swarmed by sharks was a rather pitiful scene. I crossed my arms and moved about the room, slowly taking in the extravagant office. Gregory obviously had expensive taste. I read the many titles of the bookshelves, most of them were unfamiliar.

"You like 'em?"

I turned to face Negan who was looking at me with that usual grin. I shrugged in response and turned back to the books.

"Teenagers huh?" Negan said with a chuckle, nudging Gregory. "Damn hard to please." I glared at Negan again but said nothing. What did he want from me anyway?

"Hey sweetheart, I don't think our friend Gregory would mind if you took some books, would you Gregory?" Simon offered, slapping Gregory on the back.

"Oh no no," Gregory replied quickly, waving his hands nonchalantly, "not at all. Take any you would like young lady. I've got too many anyway."

"I don't want any," I answered simply.

"And why not?" Simon asked.

"They're not my type," I told him. This conversation had nothing to do with books or my interest in them. Simon just wanted an excuse to bust Gregory's balls more. It was like he was presenting his pet to Negan, showing him how well trained he was. I turned away from the men, disgusted by the entire conversation. I noticed a long haired man in the hallway outside staring at me curiously. I looked away quickly.

"Did you hear that Gregory?" Simon asked, his voice dripping with condescension, "my friend here doesn't like your books. Next time we visit you'll have some more to her liking won't you?"

"Yes of course, that shouldn't be too difficult," Gregory agreed. "Books are easy to come by, I'll just send someone out to-"

"Great," Simon cut him off, "sounds good buddy."

"Come on kid," Negan strolled over to me. He stood beside me and draped a long arm over my shoulders. "There isn't a single one you want to take with you? Don't you get awful bored in that little room of yours staring at the ceiling all day? I feel like that's enough to make a person go crazy without anything to do." I sighed and scanned the wall again.

"Fine," I grumbled. I pulled "Leaves of Grass" by Walt Whitman off the shelf with a huff, "happy now?"

"Poetry huh?" Negan asked, taking the book from my hands and turning the pages casually. "Hey Gregory you read any of this shit?"

"Why yes of course."

"You know all the poems in this thing?"

"Well there's a lot of poems in-"

"Do you know any by heart?"

"Maybe one or two, I'm not exactly-"

"Can you recite one for me right now? I'm actually quite the poetry lover myself." Gregory gaped at Negan's request and seemed at a loss for words. He mouthed at the air for a moment before Negan let out a hearty laugh. "I'm just fucking with ya Greggy! I don't give a shit about poetry." Simon laughed with Negan and Gregory joined in hesitantly. I just watched the scene before me, impressed by how awkward it was. I turned and caught that long haired man in the hallway looking in again.

"But seriously Gregory," Simons smile melted from his face in an instant and he faced Gregory with a stern expression. "We have some important matters to discuss so this isn't a time for you to be joking."

Gregory looked for a moment like he wanted to say something in defense but the look disappeared as quickly as it had come. "Yes of course, my apologies. Let's talk gentlemen."

"Dean!" Negan called out loudly. A tall savior rushed into the room suddenly. "Why don't you take Melissa here and let her load up the supplies."

"Yes sir," the man answered obediently. I started to walk towards him but Negan stopped me.

"Whoa whoa whoa, don't forget your gift," he said, holding out the book to me. I grabbed ahold of it but he wouldn't release his grip. "What do we say to people when they give us gifts?"

 _"_ _Fuck you,"_ I thought sharply. "Thank you," I said quietly.

"You are very welcome," Negan let go of the book and I followed Dean out of the room. My face was hot with anger and embarrassment. I was no better than Gregory, bending to Negan's will, doing and saying what he wanted me to. Dean directed me to start packing crates of vegetables on to one of the trucks. I did it without saying a word. While I did all the work, a group of saviors stood around laughing and eating loudly. So far being outside the Sanctuary hasn't proven to be any better than being inside. Negan was the same cocky asshole in the Hilltop as he was in the Sanctuary. No surprise there. But I was still the quiet girl living under his thumb. Even if I were to take his offer and be one of his soldiers, I would still be living under his rule, just with a different title. Somehow, being outside the fences of the Sanctuary, I felt more trapped than before. All of this was bullshit.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: I love it when characters get to meet up! What do you guys think so far? Leave a comment**

"You're the kid that works with Carson right?"

I turned around to face a round bearded savior hovering behind me. I put down the crate I'd been moving and let out a little huff.

"Yeah, why?" I answered, tucking my hair behind my ears.

"You don't ask me questions kid," he scoffed.

"Why not?" I asked with a shrug.

"You trying to play games with me right now?" He stepped closer to me menacingly. I could smell alcohol on his breath. So this is what the righteous saviors did on their excursions, drank and intimidated people.

"No sir," I replied sarcastically. It seemed that all these saviors acted as a hive mind. So far I had yet to meet one of Negan's soldiers that wasn't a complete asshole.

"Good," he spat, shoving a piece of paper into my chest. I grabbed it and unfolded it, revealing a short list of medical supplies. "Be a good girl and go get all this stuff for Carson, I'm busy. Hilltop's doctor is that way." He pointed over my shoulder at one of the trailers. I glared at him and started making my way over there. "Oh and girl," he called. I turned to face him once again. "Don't get too cocky just cause you went and got yourself a knife. Wasn't too long ago Wade fucked up that pretty little face of yours. I'd be happy to remind you what that feels like if you forget your place."

"I'll keep that in mind," I said. The man scoffed at me and walked away, rejoining another group of saviors drinking by a truck. "Real fucking busy huh?" I hissed under my breath. I turned on my heels and marched towards the doctor's trailer. My blood boiled in my veins. I crunched the paper in my left hand with an angry grip. My right hand was tightly grasping the handle of my knife with white knuckles. When had I grabbed the knife? I took a deep breath and released the handle. Just get to the doctor and get the stupid supplies. I grabbed the handle of the door on the trailer but remembered my manners and knocked. A brunette man with neat facial hair answered the door, opening it only slightly.

"Yes?" He asked, looking at me curiously.

"I need supplies," I told him, holding up the list. He sighed but didn't say anything as he opened the door all the way and stepped aside for me to come in. "Thanks." I was surprised to see that long haired man from earlier standing in the middle of the room with his arms crossed. He was a rather dramatic looking man from his fancy hair to his long trench coat.

"May I?" The doctor motioned to take the list from me. I nodded and handed it over to him. He scanned it for a moment and began rifling through cabinets of medicine. "So, how is my brother fairing as a savior?"

"Your brother?" I repeated.

"Doctor Carson," he answered simply.

"Emmett is your brother?" I asked.

"Yes he is," he replied, sadness in his voice.

"He's doing well," I told the doctor. "I work with him. He, uh, he's been very kind to me." I paused, unsure of what to say. "He talks to me a lot."

"Oh yeah?" The doctor said a slight smile appeared on his face, "about what?"

"Lots of things. Mostly stuff about his old job before all this. He told me he had a brother who was also a doctor, I just didn't realize that was you."

"What's your name?" The doctor asked suddenly, looking at me with a furrowed brow.

"Melissa," I answered.

"Harlan," he replied, holding out his hand to me. I couldn't help but smile as I accepted his handshake. Kindness was so rare in my life nowadays; I treasured each instance of it.

"You're not really with them are you?" The long haired man suddenly spoke up.

"No," I told him decidedly, "no, I'm not."

"You're a prison then," he said it more as a statement than a question.

"Yeah," I replied quietly, "if you wanna put a label on it."

"For how long?"

"Too long."

"I wish there was a way for me to help you."

"Why? You don't even know me."

"No, but I know the saviors, and I know Negan. I don't need to know you to know that you're suffering with them."

I didn't know what to say. Why did this guy care about a girl he'd just met? He would have nothing to gain from helping me. "Thanks," I said, "but I'm not your problem."

"I know that but people need each other, now more than ever," he replied. "Here," he reached into the pocket of his coat and pulled out a small Swiss Army Knife. "Take this."

"I can't, I mean I don't have anything to give you," I explained, stunned.

"I don't want anything from you Melissa."

"Then why are you giving me this?"

"Because you'll need it more than I will."

I took it from his outstretched hand and carefully tucked it into the waist of my pants where it wouldn't be seen. "Who are you?" I asked, shaking my head in disbelief.

"Paul," he replied, "but my friends call me Jesus."

"Jesus," I repeated, "you live up to your name. I can't thank you enough. I don't know what to say."

"Just use it wisely," he said with a kind smile. I smiled back at him and felt my eyes begin to water a bit. I blinked it away quickly. Outside, I heard some commotion as the trucks started up. I wasn't ready to leave yet. I wanted so badly to stay.

"Here," Harlan handed me a bag of medicine along with the list I'd been given. "I think they're getting ready to leave."

"Thank you," I said quietly to the doctor. "Thank you both," with that I rushed out the door. I knew that the longer I stayed in the presence of kindness, the harder it would be to return to the saviors.


	19. Chapter 19

I sat in the passenger seat with my knees to my chest. _Leaves of Grass_ was open in front of me, my eyes running over the pages hungrily. I hadn't read in so long, especially poetry. I found myself internally reading each line in my mom's voice. Had this book been part of her collection? I used to be able to remember almost every title on her shelves but now I couldn't seem to recall a single one.

"So you're just gonna keep all your little poems to yourself huh?" Negan asked suddenly from the driver seat. I sighed, why couldn't anybody just let me think?

"What'd you want me to take this for if I'm not supposed to read it?" I asked.

"Obviously I want you to read it," he said, shaking his head at me, "I just request that you read it out loud, beguile me with some of those pretty words."

"I didn't take you for the poetry type," I replied, looking at him with a cocked eyebrow.

"Oh don't let Lucille and the leather jacket fool you," he said, putting his hand over his heart dramatically, "I'm a sensitive soul."

"Sure you are," I muttered with an eye roll.

"Come on kid," Negan began with a laugh, "read me something that'll prick my eyebrows up."

"Fine," I agreed begrudgingly. I flipped through the pages and stopped at random at an unfamiliar title, _I Sit and Look Out_. Then, I began reading-

 _"_ _I sit and look out upon all the sorrows of the world, and upon all_

 _oppression and shame;_

 _I hear secret convulsive sobs from young men, at anguish with_

 _themselves, remorseful after deeds done;_

 _I see, in low life, the mother misused by her children, dying,_

 _neglected, gaunt, desperate;_

 _I see the wife misused by her husband—I see the treacherous seducer_

 _of young women;_

 _I mark the ranklings of jealousy and unrequited love, attempted to be_

 _hid—I see these sights on the earth;_

 _I see the workings of battle, pestilence, tyranny—I see martyrs and_

 _prisoners;_

 _I observe a famine at sea—I observe the sailors casting lots who_

 _shall be kill'd, to preserve the lives of the rest;_

 _I observe the slights and degradations cast by arrogant persons upon_

 _laborers, the poor, and upon negroes, and the like;_

 _All these—All the meanness and agony without end, I sitting, look_

 _out upon,_

 _See, hear, and am silent."_

When I finished I looked at Negan curiously. He simply looked out the window, driving silently with an unfamiliar calmness about him. "I liked that," he said suddenly, "I liked that very much kid." He looked at me with a gentle smile, more genuine looking than his usual cocky one. I just looked back at him with a furrowed brow. He was a very strange man. These glimpses of his more human side were so sporadic and fleeting.

"Thanks," I replied curiously.

"I don't know if you know this but Lucille is actually quite the poet at heart, so I'm sure she enjoyed that as well." Negan said, turning back to the road. In the blink of an eye he was back to his usual self.

"How come you wanted me to take a book anyway?" I asked.

"Why do you think I wanted you to take a book?" He returned.

"To annoy Gregory maybe," I said with a little shrug. "Taking stuff from his own office is pretty disrespectful I guess."

"If I wanted to annoy Gregory I would've whipped out my dick in his office and disrespected the whole room. Try again,"

"I don't know then," I replied, ignoring his crude comments.

"Is it not even a possibility in your mind that I wanted you to take a book to make you happy?" he asked.

"Don't pretend to care about my happiness," I said, shaking my head in frustration, "it's just ridiculous."

"Melissa listen here carefully cause I'm not going to repeat this," Negan said, his voice and face completely serious. "I didn't ask for you to be brought to the Sanctuary and I sure as hell didn't ask for you to be so goddamn hard headed once you got there. But you did get brought there and there are rules in the Sanctuary, things gotta be done a certain way. People gotta know that those rules apply to everyone, at all times, absolutely no exceptions. Rules are what keep this show going. If people can break the rules without punishment, well then all this shit can just fall apart. Now, you're a smart girl Mel. I know that you know I didn't get to where I am now, build everything you've seen, and command the army I have, by letting people get away with breaking the rules. Doesn't matter if they're kids, doesn't matter how much I like 'em. Do you understand me?"

"Yeah," my voice was barely a whisper.

"Rules kid," Negan said, pointing a gloved finger. "Rules."

"Yeah," I repeated, "Rules."


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Chapter 20! Thank you to all the new favorites and follows and as always thanks for reading. Drop a review if you have any comments, questions, or recommendations. Enjoy!**

By the time we got back to the Sanctuary, the sun was setting. The sky was a perfect combination of orange and pink, the kind I would've taken a picture of back in the day.

"Well it's been a long day and my wives are waiting for me," Negan said with an obnoxiously loud clap as he exited the truck. I walked out and stood beside the vehicle, looking at him with tired eyes. "You can help with the heavy lifting," Negan said pointing a gloved finger at me, "You're a tough kid."

"Yay," I deadpanned, running a hand over my face.

"That's the spirit," he replied, giving me a hearty slap on the back. I watched him stride confidently away with a scowl on my face.

"Take this down to the kitchen," a Savior commanded me as he dropped a heavy crate into my arms. I let out a little huff at the weight. "When you're done, come back for the rest," he motioned at another large pile of crates. Other prisoners in the Sanctuary were brought over and began moving other cargo. A few of them looked at me strangely, probably wondering why I wasn't wearing the matching sweat suit anymore. It was a question I didn't really have a full answer for either.

I carried crate after crate down flights of stairs in the Sanctuary. Each time I returned for another one, the same savior who had assigned me this task watched. He sat in the open back of the truck, sharpening a knife with a bored expression as he commanded everyone around. I still didn't know many of the Saviors names despite how long I'd been here. I mostly remembered them by face. I learned which ones were more tolerant and which ones I shouldn't even look in the eye. This guy wasn't the worst I suppose. He seemed more disinterested than malicious most of the time.

"Take these to Carson after you drop that one off," he said, plopping the bag of medicine I had collected, on top of the last crate I was holding. "Then, go to bed or whatever you do at night kid. I don't know."

"Sure," I replied, walking away. I paused and turned back to the man. "My name is Melissa by the way."

"Okay," he replied plainly. I stood in place for a moment, staring at him expectedly. He furrowed his brow at me then gave a small sigh. "Lewis," he grumbled.

I nodded and walked away, slightly satisfied. Did that count as a positive interaction with a savior? It was small but it was something. I delivered the last package and slowly made my way up to the medical wing. I knocked on Doctor Carson's office door. When there was no answer I let myself in. The room was dark so I flipped the light on. I suppose Emmett had retired for the night. I'd be sure to tell him about his brother next time I saw him. The cabinets full of medicine were locked for the night so I just put the supplies down on the counter. When I was done I turned the light off and closed the door behind me. To my surprise, Wade was in the hallway, leaning on the wall with his arms crossed.

"Where did you come from?" I asked. He scoffed at my question.

"What? You think you get to just wander these halls without me knowing where you are?" He shook his head at me and motioned for me to start walking. "I see everything you do," he added from behind me as we made our way to my cell. I tossed him a dirty look over my shoulder. When we reached my little corner of hell, Wade gave me a shove inside and slammed the door shut behind me. I flipped him off through the door as I heard the usual sound of keys locking the outside.

Quickly, I tossed my book on to the ground, turned on my little lantern and put my ear to the door. I waited until I could no longer hear Wade's footsteps as he disappeared down another corridor. Then, I pulled the Swiss Army Knife out of my pants, holding it like a precious diamond in my hands. I ran my hands over the thick metal pipe that ran from floor to ceiling in the corner of the room. I had examined it when I first got here and assumed it was some type of ventilation pipe. But, I had found something on it when I had examined it. I smiled when my fingers found the familiar spot in the back. I rusted cut in the metal, big enough to hide the knife but small enough to go unnoticed. I pushed the knife through the hole and kept it in place with the can opener tool acting as a hook.

"I guess Wade doesn't see everything," I whispered to myself, proud of my little hiding place for my secret knife. Hopefully a day would come soon where I could actually use the thing. I would have to talk to Tina as soon as I saw her again. If she and her family really had a way out, now was the time. I lied down on my makeshift bed and finally let my eyes close. It really had been a long day.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: I know I haven't updated in a while but here's a long chapter for you guys. Please drop a review and, as always, enjoy!**

I chewed thoughtfully on the granola bar that Wade had dropped off a few minutes ago along with a water bottle. I turned the pages of my book slowly, taking in each line. This wasn't exactly the type of stuff I used to read and honestly I didn't understand much of it. Despite this, the book was a strange comfort to me. It reminded me of the poems my mom used to love. I didn't understand those either but somehow when she had read them to me, they'd made sense. The door to my cell opened and I looked up to see Wade standing in the doorway.

"I'm not done yet," I told him, waving the remains of the granola bar at him. He quickly stepped to me and snatched the snack out of my hand. I glared at him as he tossed it down the hall. He brought his heavy boot down on the water bottle and I flinched a bit as water sprayed out at me.

"Yes you are," he growled, looming over me. I closed the book calmly and placed it down on my bed. I stayed sitting, looking straight ahead, and willing myself to not get angry. "Let's go," Wade snapped, kicking the bottle childishly across the small room. I sighed and stood up slowly. Wade left the room without saying another word and I followed silently behind him. I knew where he was leading me almost immediately.

"What about Carson?" I asked as Wade rifled through a cramped closet in a huff. He ignored my question and wheeled the mop bucket towards me and shoved the mop into my hands.

"Clean," he hissed.

"What about Carson?" I asked again.

"Clean," he repeated, leaning in closer to me. I could feel his breath on my face. I glared back at him for a few moments before turning away and getting started with my work.

"Fine, don't tell me," I grumbled as I squatted by the faucet in the supply closet and started filling the mop bucket with water.

"I'll be back," Wade said, "don't do anything stupid and don't talk to anyone. Just mop."

"Yes sir," I mumbled with a half-hearted salute. My back was to him but I could feel the anger oozing out of Wade. To my surprise, he said nothing and simply stomped away. I turned the water off and sighed, getting to work. Mopping was monotonous. I looked around and noticed a few people staring at me. I looked back at them curiously. The folks around here were probably just as confused about my role in the Sanctuary as I was. It was only a few days ago that I'd gone on the trip to Hilltop with Negan. I hadn't really seen him since then besides in passing. But here I was, no longer in the prisoner uniform, seemingly moving up in the hierarchy. One thing that definitely hadn't changed was the people avoiding me. As soon as I looked at them, they quickly averted their eyes. Oh well.

"Psst,"

I paused suddenly and my head perked up.

"Mel, here,"

I spun around and saw Tina's head poking out from the end of the hall. I furrowed my brow at her and she motioned frantically for me to come. I looked around cautiously. Wade was nowhere to be seen and it didn't appear that anyone was paying attention to me at the moment. I propped my mop up against the bucket and started walking briskly towards the teenage girl. She disappeared around the corner and I broke into a quick jog. I turned the bend and found myself in another empty hallway. Where did she-

"Here," a man's voice hissed from behind me. I turned around and was greeted by a familiar face. It was that man I'd met at the marketplace so long ago. He reached out and grabbed my arm, pulling me into the room he was in. He closed the door quickly behind me and someone turned on a lantern, allowing me to see who was in here with me. It was Tina, the blond man, and the woman I'd seen with Tina in the laundry area.

"This is my sister, Sherry, and her husband, Dwight," Tina introduced, "and you guys know Melissa."

"What's going on?" I asked

"What I told you about," Tina answered, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder, "Dwight has a plan." She looked to the man as if cueing him to speak.

"We're leaving," he told me, "sooner than planned."

"Why?"

"Negan wants me," Tina began nervously, "he wants me to be one of his wives."

"What?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing, "but you're so, you're so-"

"Young," Sherry finished my sentence, fury in her voice.

"He asked me when you all got back from that trip," she told me, "I told him I'd think about it. But he's getting impatient, he wants an answer."

"Tell him no," I said, shaking my head in disbelief.

"It's not that simple," Sherry said, "you should know that by now." I nodded to her in understanding. She was right of course.

"It won't come to that," Dwight interjected. "We'll all be gone before he comes knocking for an answer."

"How?" I asked eager to hear this plan of his.

"We're gonna disappear in the night," Dwight began. "Every night the guards at the exits shift three times. The second guard at the west wing exit falls asleep with a beer in his hands every night. As soon as he's out, we'll slip out. We keep moving and by the time they realize we left, we'll be long gone." I stared back at him, admittedly disappointed at this grand plan. There wasn't much to it and it left a large margin for error.

"I know it's not perfect," Tina admitted.

"Not even close," I sighed.

"But it's what we have," Dwight said, "and it could be our only opportunity." I ran my hand through my hair, mulling over everything.

"Where do I fit into this?" I asked, "Why'd you involve me?"

"We need your help," Sherry told me.

"What the hell can I do?" I asked incredulously. I had absolutely nothing to offer these people.

"I'm sick," Tina said suddenly, "I have diabetes. They have the insulin I need here. But, we can't afford it anymore. Even the three of us together can't get enough points for my medicine and everything else we need to survive."

"Negan's using that to force her into being a wife," Sherry said, her voice was laced with disgust. "He knows we won't be able to get her insulin much longer, but, if she's a wife she gets it for free."

"It's also free if I steal it," I said quietly, "that's what you want me to do isn't it? You want me to steal the insulin from Carson."

"You work with him," Dwight said, "you're in the medical wing all the time. Could you get it without him noticing?" I thought for a moment, picturing all the medicine. The insulin was in a small refrigerator in the corner of Carson's office.

"I can get the meds," I told them, "but you'd have to give me time to get it all. Wade is always watching me. I'd have to sneak them a few vials at a time. There's no other way."

The three of them exchanged looks and Dwight let out a frustrated sigh. I wished there was another way but there wasn't. There was no way I could stash it all on me without getting caught.

"Alright, alright," Dwight nodded slowly, "that can work. The doctor won't notice the supply getting low?"

"I take inventory," I answered, "I got it."

"How long do you think it'll take you to get it all?" Sherry asked.

"A few days maybe, I don't know," I told her honestly.

"Okay, the faster the better but don't get sloppy," Dwight told me, "if you get caught we're all finished."

"I know," I replied.

"When you have it all, find a way to let one of us know and we'll leave that night, on your signal. I'll come for you, get you out of your cell and we'll meet up with Sherry and Tina at the west wing."

"Okay," I said.

"You got it kid? I don't know if we'll get another opportunity to talk like this."

"I got it," I told him confidently, "I'll start getting the meds as soon as I can."

Tina suddenly threw her arms around me. I stood stiff for a moment, shocked. Finally, I relaxed in her embrace and put my arms around her too.

"Thank you," she said, releasing me.

"No thank you," I replied, "all of you. Thank you for trusting me."

"It's not about trust," Sherry said, "You hate Negan and this god forsaken place as much as we do."

"Either way, thank you," I said. With that I quickly exited the room and hustled back down the hall. I grabbed the mop and started up working again. I continued mopping as my heart thudded in my chest and my hands trembled anxiously. This was really happening. I was officially a part of an escape plan, as risky as it was.

"Fucking Christ kid," Wade exclaimed as he strode up to me, "this is all you got done?"

"I'm tired," I replied, not looking up at him as I continued to work, "I didn't get to finish my breakfast." Wade suddenly grabbed a hold of my chin, forcing me to look at him as he spoke.

"Keep giving me an attitude and I'll make you clean the floor with your goddamn tongue next time," he hissed close to my ear. He shoved my face away from him. "Now move your ass," he barked aggressively before marching away again. I huffed and started working again. As I cleaned I kept repeated the same thing in my head over and over again- _you'll be home soon._


	22. Chapter 22

_"_ _Tastes good?" I asked. Tommy nodded solemnly as he munched on the catfish I'd caught earlier. The expression on his face said otherwise._

 _"_ _No it doesn't," I responded, pulling tiny remnants of fish bones from my mouth. "You hate fish. Plus, this thing tastes like dirt."_

 _"_ _It's fine," my little brother replied._

 _"_ _I've never cooked a catfish before," I shook my head in frustration, "I'm sorry."_

 _"_ _It's fine," he repeated._

 _"_ _Everything's always fine," I mumbled._

 _"_ _Isn't that a good thing?" He asked._

 _"_ _It's good if things are actually fine," I told him. I put down the last bit of my food, unable to continue. I'd been putting off having this conversation with my brother, terrified of what he might say. But, I couldn't avoid it any longer. "You haven't talked to me since we lost mom and dad, not really. All you ever say is 'I'm fine' or 'it's okay'. Well I know it's not true. You know how I know that?"_

 _Tommy shrugged, looking down at the ground. I shifted across the floor, closer to him. He didn't look up from the food in front of him. I gingerly placed my hand under his chin and brought his gaze up to me._

 _"_ _It's because I know you baby brother," I told him, offering him a soft smile. "I know you're hurting, I can see it. I can see it and it breaks my heart." Tommy's bottom lip began to tremble as my voice cracked. I cleared my throat and blinked back tears before continuing. "I never want you to be in pain Tommy. I just, I just need you to let me in buddy. You need to talk to me. Remember how much we used to talk?" I put my hand against his and wiped away at a tear with my thumb. I felt his little head lean into my palm. This was the first time he'd cried since the day our parents died._

 _"_ _Yeah," he sniffled._

 _"_ _Yeah I do to," I replied, "I miss that. Don't you?"_

 _"_ _Yeah," he repeated, a few more tears escaped his face. I quickly wiped at them with my sleeve._

 _"_ _Then we should start talking again," I told him, "I know it's harder now. I know you're feeling a lot of different emotions, anger, sadness, maybe even some confusion. But I'm feeling them too. I have so many strange feelings in my heart, sometimes I don't know what to do with myself. But I do know that I want to talk to you about them. And I want you to talk to me about how you feel. You shouldn't keep everything inside, it's not good. So talk to me Tommy, please." I stopped and stared longingly at my little brother, silently pleading with him to speak. He gazed back at me with uncertain eyes. He was so confused, so unsure._

 _"_ _The catfish does taste bad," he said, barely in a whisper._

 _"_ _Well, that's a good start," I replied, letting out a small laugh._

 _"_ _And," he continued. Tommy looked down at the ground, his little hands balled into tight fists at his sides. "And," tears streamed down his face freely. "And I miss mom and dad." With that, it felt like a weight had been lifted from the room. Tommy burst out into crying sobs. He threw his body into mine, wrapping his arms around my torso tightly. I embraced my brother, holding his shaking body close to me. It felt as though I'd just released a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding. Relief washed over me as I finally allowed myself to cry as well._

 _"_ _I know baby," I said, stroking his hair soothingly, "I do too."_

I woke up with my heart in my throat and my lungs feeling like lead. I lifted my arms in a daze and looked at my hands. They were empty but they tingled with the familiar sense of embracing my brother. As I stared at my fingers I could almost feel his soft brown hair. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around my chest, embracing myself. I could feel my heart thudding like a jackhammer. The aching hole Tommy left in my heart was always present. Whenever I dreamed of him, it felt as though the wound was being freshly made again.

There was the sound of approaching footsteps outside. I shook my head, trying to clear my mind, willing myself to get back into reality. I stood up quickly; ready to meet another hellish day. To my surprise, it wasn't Wade who opened the door.

"Good morning kiddo," Negan bellowed with his usual grin.

"Negan," I greeted unenthusiastically.

"Alright I got two questions for you on this fine morning. First of all," he paused to take a few dramatic steps towards me, "who are you?" I shook my head at him in disbelief. I thought he'd given up on this stupid game.

"And what's the second question?" I asked with a scowl. I wouldn't even dignify the first one with a response. Negan only smiled widely, as if I'd said exactly what he wanted to hear. He turned around and a savior in the hallway handed him a fancy looking rifle. Negan faced me again and, to my surprise, held the gun out to me.

"Do you know how to hunt?" He asked.


End file.
